La Pomme De La Tromperie

1.

It's French for "Apple of Deception".

2.

3.

Part One:

4.

>A great cacophony of noise erupts from your local rooster, signaling that another day has dawned on Sweet Apple Acres

5.

>With a discipline practiced from a lifetime of being dragged out of bed by your family, you're out of bed before that bag of feathers can screech a second time

6.

>Stumbling towards your dresser, using your hooves to guide your way around your bedroom as you struggle to break the layer of sleep dust keeping your eyes shut

7.

>It's a herculean effort, but you crack your peepers open to regard yourself in the mirror

8.

>Wow, aren't you just in desperate need of a combing?

9.

>Smoothly, you slip the brush over your hoof and get to work taming your great golden head of hair, getting every strand in place so that it easily slips into the somewhat loose ponytail you favored ever since it started getting in the way

10.

>Rubbing at your great, Mutsu green eyes to really get a good look at yourself

11.

>Bright eyed? For sure.

12.

>Bushy tailed? Not anymore.

13.

>You take the hat hanging off your dresser

14.

>A handsome brown Stetson, bearing some weathering but clearly loved, with a great bite taken out of the front brim

15.

>Doffing it, you couldn't help but feel like something was still missing from this whole getup

16.

>Your hoof drew along your square jawline, tugging idly at the small strips of golden scruff on your chin that even after a few months refused to actually develop into anything

17.

>Honestly, be an ugly Sunburst chin tail or a majestic Starswirl neck warmer for all you care, you were just looking for some progress here

18.

>Suddenly, it dawned on you

19.

>Opening the dresser you withdrew a vibrant red scarf, tying it around your neck

20.

>The brass star attached to it gleamed in the early morning light

21.

>A facsimile of your cutiemark, the traditional circles at the end of the star's pointed are replaced with apples

22.

>You admired Mayor Mare's attention to detail sometimes

23.

>Though rather than the question mark in the middle of your mark, this star's was emblazoned with the phrase 'SHERIFF'

24.

>Fully dressed for the day, you eyed yourself in the mirror again

25.

>Giving yourself an approving nod

26.

>That's much better

27.

>(You) are Abbondanza Apple

28.

>(Though you preferred 'Anon' to save time)

29.

>Middle child of the Ponyville Apple Family branch (Caught between the truly massive Big Mac and precocious little Apple Bloom)

30.

>Head honcho of Sweet Apple Acres (at least when Granny Smith isn't within earshot to hear you say so)

31.

>Ponyville's Town Sheriff (and by default the entirety of the little village's police force)

32.

>And...

33.

>If there was a pony on the face of this beautiful world that was more full of shit than you, you hadn't met them

34.

>...

35.

>...

36.

>So, with that kind of intro, that probably invites some questions

37.

>Well you certainly have plenty of time to drop some exposition

38.

>There's still a chunk of the Western Orchard that needs to be tended to before the rest of the clan arrives for the family reunion this afternoon

39.

>If the harvest isn't finished before then your dear Granny Smith will die of shame in front of the whole family

40.

>Then immediately resurrect just so she can whoop your ass

41.

>So:

42.

>Yes, you are a human in remission

43.

>Yes, you are a member of the Apple Family

44.

>No, you have no idea where the Hell Applejack is

45.

>No, you don't know why you're a stallion and not in her body proper

46.

>As far as you can tell? You're what this world got instead

47.

>Your memories of your past life are incredibly hazy by this point, with your brain having to make room for newer, more relevant-to-the-now ones

48.

>When you try to imagine your former self, it's like looking in the mirror after a long, hot shower

49.

>You can see the edges but there's a huge steam stain in the center, fogging the majority of the picture up

50.

>In the least, you've been able to cling on to your final moments

51.

>Stumbling back home after a double shift at the Fireworks, Candy, and Puppy Dog store

52.

>(It's a lot less pleasant than it sounds, the dogs hate the sound of fireworks and they're always trying to eat the candy, which is of course bad for them)

53.

>You were too tired to notice your trajectory, completely stomping your foot into a homeless man's begging hat, scattering the contents everywhere

54.

>You distinctly recall apologizing and offering to help pick it up, though at this point you're not sure whether or not you fabricated that part just to make yourself look better

55.

>But the vagrant was simply not having that shit and responded like you would expect most transients living on the street to:

56.

>Punching you in the chest so hard it expelled your soul from your body, forcing you into a nightmarish limbo of misery and darkness for what was either five minutes and ten thousand years

57.

>(What kind of wizard has that kind of power but can't conjure themselves up a house?)

58.

>Either way, when you finally came out of that awful vortex, you were looking in the mirror just as you had been this morning

59.

>Getting an eyeful of a little orange colt no older than eight who had paused mid-brushing his teeth to remember that, wait, he was supposed to be a human man in his early twenties

60.

>You aren't sure why it took so long for your consciousness to reassert itself

61.

>When you look back you have memories of your equine childhood

62.

>So it's not like you just spawned in at eight years old

63.

>Maybe a developing baby brain couldn't comprehend the complexity of an adult mind?

64.

>You're not a neurologist, and you didn't win the genetic lottery of being born as the tribe in Equestria that has levels in wizardry by default, so you're just going to have to leave that one alone

65.

>You've had to leave a fair bit alone over the past decade, really

66.

>The Apple Family is up to its' withers in chores and you're no exception to that

67.

>Your days are split pretty evenly between tending to the farm and tending to the whims of the local government

68.

>Despite it featuring prominently on your flank as your Cutie Mark, the Sheriff's position you'd landed was one of convenience:

69.

>While it was plenty apparent the Mayor Mare didn't really know what a Sheriff was supposed to do, leaving you tending to the functions that she didn't want to do herself

70.

>It did leave you with enough free time to keep an eye on the situations developing in town, and try your best to research magic for the solution to the myriad of problems posed by your presence

71.

>With the Golden Oaks Library currently unstaffed, the town was running on an honor system for taking and returning books

72.

>Which meant, owing to the fact that the most magically talented unicorn in the town was a fashion-obsessed seamstress, you didn't hear anypony inquiring about where all the advanced magical theory books had vanished off to when you kept them for your perusal

73.

>You'd developed quite a stack in your bedroom back home, along with a chalkboard that would probably have you committed if anypony got a good look at it

74.

>Theories regarding where Applejack's soul was (Swapped with yours in that limbo? Shunted off to the side, forced to be a passenger as you lived her life? Worse, sent back to Earth to inhabit your body?)

75.

>Spools of equations as you tried and largely failed to calculate a spell that could punch through reality to send you back where you belonged

76.

>(You weren't that great at math to begin with, and that was before you added conjuration to the mix)

77.

>The combined work of references and insights that piled in on each other like so many social clique's in-jokes to the point that even with it written in plain Equuish you didn't think anyone could make heads or tails of it

78.

>You weren't confident in your abilities, but... if you could convince a Unicorn that you weren't a lunatic, maybe your scribbles could serve to point them in the general direction of an idea to help you

79.

>For now, though? None of that matters

80.

>You know what's important?

81.

>Apples, motherfucker

82.

>In the time you've spent expositing to nobody you've also managed to finish up your section of the Western Orchard

83.

>Judging by the lack of a rhythmic 'THOCK' in the distance and the scrabbling of buckets, you're pretty confident that Big Mac and Apple Bloom are done tending to their bit, as well

84.

>You hitch yourself to your wagon and ferry your payload back to the barn, and sure enough, your siblings are already putting their buckets away for the day

85.

>Well, Big Mac is anyway, the buckets are a bit too big for Apple Bloom to push around herself yet, so she's mostly just babbling and being precious

86.

>When your big brother spots you he angles the stalk of wheat in his mouth so that he can properly smirk at you

87.

>"Beat ya to the barn again, lil' brother."

88.

>You just roll your eyes good-naturedly and gesture to Apple Bloom

89.

"'Course y'did, ya had help. We'll see how it goes tomorrow."

90.

>Ever since you joined Mac in the fields it was always a bit of a competition

91.

>Friendly, of course, but when you were a little colt you took it a bit too seriously

92.

>Coming home as red faced as your brother when he kept showing you up

93.

>It's been a bit more even since your growth spurt

94.

>... Mostly

95.

>Apple Bloom picks up on you pointing her out and flashes you the brightest grin in the world, puffing her chest out

96.

>"Eyup! Don't you worry, Anon! We'll get'im!"

97.

>Normally Apple Bloom would be at school hours ago, but you needed all the pony power you could dredge up to finish up the harvest in time

98.

>You reach down to ruffle up your little sister's hair some, causing her to yowl irritably

99.

>"Anon! Don't get dirt in mah hair! Ah washed it for the reunion and everything!"

100.

"You're gonna have to take another shower anyway, silly pony. We all stink. You excited for today?"

101.

>Apple Bloom immediately launches into an impassioned speech about how thrilled she is to see her cousins and nephews and aunts and uncles and and and

102.

>Big Mac gives you a mock serious 'what have you done' look, which you respond to with a grin as the three of you head on back to the house to wash up and get things ready for the herd of Apples you'll be hosting today

103.

>...

104.

>...

105.

>By midafternoon, Sweet Apple Acres is packed to the brim with apples

106.

>No, capitalize that shit, that's family. Apples.

107.

>Much better

108.

>When you go to check up on how dinner is coming, you find a kitchen full to the brim with ponies all chatting away as they cook, progress looks good

109.

>Jonagold and Apple Munchies in particular are loudly gossiping about the love lives of their farmhooves at their particular orchards, while everypony else tries their best to not look like they're listening in

110.

>They absolutely are, and if you weren't busy doing the rounds, you probably would, too

111.

>Golden Delicious is really leading both of those mares on? That dog!

112.

>You find the willpower to pull away and find the horde of foals all having fun, enjoying the obstacle course you and Big Mac put together as well as the racing strip for the Seven-Legged Race, and just plain playing at nonsense like kids are wont to do

113.

>They should be good and tuckered out for supper time, hopefully

114.

>On the other end of the age spectrum you scope out the elderly contingency of the Apple family

115.

>The love of some good gossip is apparent even in their twilight years, as you briefly listen to Granny Smith and her peers engage in some of their own

116.

>Auntie Applesauce is really leading both of those stallions on? That dog!

117.

>Also, gross!

118.

>You shake your head thoroughly to knock that mental image loose, heading your way back to the main entrance of the farm

119.

>Everything seems to be going swimmingly, and yet once again you still feel like you're forgetting something...

120.

>That's when movement in the corner of your eye gets you looking down the road leading into town

121.

>A purple unicorn mare and a tiny dragon are currently striding down the dirt road towards the Acres

122.

>Ah yes, you remember what you were forgetting, now:

123.

>The plot

124.

125.

Part Two:

126.

>Your coat is a striking violet, your mighty brain is full of anxiety, and you just want to get this list done so you can finally get down to the ACTUAL work on your plate

127.

>Why yes, (You) are Twilight Sparkle, thank you for noticing

128.

>When you first brought the Mare in the Moon Prophecy to your mentor's attention, you assumed by this time of the day you would be side by side with her in her study, enjoying a strategy session as you both puzzle out how to prevent the return of Nightmare Moon, and, failing that, a way to defeat her

129.

>Instead you're...

130.

"What does the list say again, Spike?"

131.

>"We're going in order, so the first stop is to check the banquet! They're preparing it here at 'Sweet Apple Acres'!"

132.

>Right

133.

>Making sure the catering is coming along nicely

134.

>You can't help yourself, head coming to hang as you trot forward

135.

>The Summer Sun Celebration is important, certainly

136.

>Seeing the Princess personally raise the Sun was the impetus for you to study hard in the hopes of gaining entry to her school, after all

137.

>But in the face of what's supposed to happen in literally less than 24 hours...

138.

>Why the buck couldn't Raven Inkwell be doing this?

139.

>So caught up in your grumbling you completely fail to register Spike's warning

140.

>Or more pertinently, the weirdly fuzzy wall you walk straight into

141.

>You stumble and fall against it, groaning irritably as your forelegs give out

142.

"Who put a wall... here?"

143.

>You stare down at the beige hooves near your face

144.

>Then look up

145.

>And up

146.

>And up again

147.

>"Well howdy down there, ma'am. Welcome to Sweet Apple Acres. Let me help you up."

148.

>Given you've spent your entire life in Canterlot, you're far more used to the slight stature of the city's stallion population

149.

>'Dainty' would be the polite word for it, the unicorn nobility prided themselves on having butlers for their butlers to ensure they used their hooves for walking and nothing else

150.

>And even then you're pretty sure they wouldn't do that much if they could get away with it

151.

>This stallion, though

152.

>Is he allowed?

153.

>Your big brother is one of the burliest Unicorns you know, but you're pretty sure this guy could eat him and still be hungry

154.

>And...

155.

>He's staring at you

156.

>Wait, did he say something?

157.

>Oh, crumbs

158.

"Ahehe... sorry, I was just so preoccupied speaking to my assistant here that I wasn't looking where I was going!"

159.

>You accept the offered hoof to get you back on all fours and very pointedly ignore Spike's incredulous stare

160.

>Not the best first impression but just pretend that never happened and get to business, Twilight

161.

>Work mode, activate

162.

"My name is Twilight Sparkle - I've officially been sent by Princess Celestia to check in on the town's preparedness for tonight's Summer Sun Celebration. As I understand it your farm was selected to prepare a banquet for the event?"

163.

>The orange stallion gives you a polite nod, giving your hoof a professional shake (that absolutely does not make your entire body quake, stop laughing Spike)

164.

>"Pleasure to make your acquaintance Miss Sparkle, the name's Abbondanza Apple - ah hope you don't mind if ah insist you call me 'Anon' to save us the time. You understand correctly by the by, Sweet Apple Acres was given the honor of catering for this here event, and we've been hard at work getting ready for tonight. In fact..."

165.

>Anon breaks your gaze to glance towards a farmhouse

166.

>Another Earth Pony, a mare, is peeking her head out the window and waving to get his attention

167.

>They share a series of baffling gestures before some sort of accord is reached and Anon turns back to you

168.

>"You've got perfect timing, Miss Sparkle. My family's just finished preparing supper, which will feature a lot've what we'll be offering in town tonight. You can have yourself a little taste test to make sure it's up to snuff."

169.

"That's very generous, Anon, but we do have a full day ahead of us, and several other points on this list that need checking-"

170.

>Anon simply shakes his head, reaching out to rest a hoof on your wither

171.

>"Ah understand the importance of seeing a list done, Miss Sparkle - ah got my own checklist ah gotta run down every day on the farm, after all. But, rest my mama's bones, she'd erupt out of this here ground as a very angry ghost if ah didn't insist on offering a kindly stranger a seat at my table."

172.

>At that, Anon tips you a theatrical wink

173.

>"'Sides, Ah don't know what kind of markets you got up on that hifalutin mountain city of yours, but you ain't really had an apple until you had one fresh off the tree here at the Acres. Indulge me?"

174.

>Beside you both, you hear Spike distinctly sniff loudly and stomp his little feet

175.

>"Oh man, are those apple fritters I smell? I don't suppose they have any emeralds in them, do they? Emeralds go perfectly with apples!"

176.

>Anon glances down at Spike and gives him a friendly grin

177.

>"'Fraid that's a negatory on the emeralds, little guy, but ah do know those fritters just got pulled out of the oven barely five minutes ago. Ya ain't gonna find that level of freshness in any Canterlot bakery. Sounds good, right?"

178.

>Spike immediately stares up at you

179.

>His studies in pony pleading techniques have clearly been very productive, as you swear his pupils triple in size and his frills sag in just the most pathetic way

180.

>And...

181.

>Your stomach rumbles in a very blatant manner

182.

>Admittedly, you and Spike did have to skip lunch in the haste of chartering a flight and taking it down to Ponyville

183.

"Oh, fine. But only a little taste testing!"

184.

>Anon chuckles as he walks on over to a hanging triangle, an instrument for playing it attached by a string

185.

>"Excellent! I can introduce ya to the family while we're at it. SOUP'S ON, EVERYPONY!"

186.

>With that, he takes the instrument in hoof and enthusiastically rings the triangle

187.

>Almost immediately you feel it

188.

>The rumbling

189.

>If you didn't see the horde of ponies of all shapes and colorations approaching you, you'd swear the local weather patrol must've gone mad and suddenly initiated an earthquake

190.

>You and Spike are swallowed up by the tide of Apples, lifted above the throng as they all make their way to the mass array of open air tables set up in a field, as there'd surely be no way to fit this many ponies in a single farmhouse

191.

>As your violet eyes perceive the huge mass of treats and confections ladled on every plate

192.

>Apple dishes all, the variety of which is at a level you never would've even perceived possible

193.

>You find yourself and Spike ceremoniously seated at the right of Abbondanza, who flashes you a friendly smile and immediately starts on a spiel introducing every family member as they stack their offerings on your plate

194.

>You try to keep track but eventually your plate is stacked so high that even if you stood up on your hind legs you're pretty sure it'd still be taller than you

195.

>You look up at the mountain of pies, cookies, and crumbs with an expression of raw fear, while Spike sees the challenge and is already underway trying to make a dent in his own mountain

196.

>You get the distinct feeling that this is going to be a long dinner...

197.

198.

Part Three:

199.

>The trek back to Ponyville is a bit of a slow one

200.

>You have to stop several times to wait for your traveling companion's stomach to settle enough for her to walk again

201.

>Twilight Sparkle hangs her head, groaning in gluttonous agony

202.

>"I ate too much pie..."

203.

>Seeing the future Ruler of Equestria in such a state causes you to break, tossing your head back and letting out a bark of a laugh

204.

"I'll bet! Ah'm not sure how Red Delicious roped you into that eating contest, but ah do admire yer perseverance in the face of defeat, Miss Sparkle."

205.

>(You)'re back in the saddle again as Anon

206.

>Over the course of supper you 'discovered' that Twilight had already met the local Party Pony, though she seemed to be in too much of a hurry to greet her and Spike properly

207.

>You had expressed surprise at that - 'Why, Pinkie usually never skips a chance to play a One Pony Welcome Committee to new folks. I'll simply have to fill in for her.'

208.

>Twilight had initially turned down the offer, but you did point out being a local meant you knew where most everypony could be found on her list, which would make for a much more efficient rundown of it than just wandering around town asking for directions

209.

>The idea of being done with her task even faster certainly got her attention, leading yourself, Twilight, and Spike (currently riding on your back, to his delight: 'I've never been this high up before without a ladder!') to slowly trudging down the path back into town

210.

>Being a lifetime member of the Apple Clan, you're used to giant meals like that, so your trot maintains its' normal speed and your stomach doesn't resemble an Ethiopian child's unlike Twilight's

211.

>You'll burn all that sugar and energy just fine after everypony goes home and it's back to work

212.

>... Or, more accurately, when you're sprinting through a murderforest dodging spooky trees and displaying key character traits later tonight

213.

>The Elements...

214.

>You had initially discarded them in your initial list of options for dealing with your situation, given the impossibility of actually using them by yourself

215.

>Kind of a package deal, unless you're Princess Celestia and have the magical aptitude to brute force them against their own wielder

216.

>But, they could certainly be the key, couldn't they?

217.

>When you consider their applications throughout the series, they're clearly designed to purify things and bring balance to the land

218.

>You could argue that they only petrified Discord and Nightmare Moon because the means to turn them back to good wouldn't exist for a millennium

219.

>Luna needed some time to stew, and Fluttershy needed to be born so that Discord would (debatably) learn that turning ponies inside out and making them live like that was amusing for him, and nightmarish to everyone else

220.

>So, maybe they can do something for you? Swap you out for Applejack proper?

221.

>Ideally this isn't a fix that turns out to require being turned to stone

222.

>But those things really like doing that

223.

>There's also the possibility that you won't even align with the Element of Honesty

224.

>You are living a lie, aren't you?

225.

>This isn't your life, it doesn't belong to you

226.

>You may not have mean to, but you stole-

227.

>Hey put a pin in that self-recrimination chief, the plot's happening

228.

>With a mighty 'CRASH' and the distinct sound of someone finally failing to maintain a lunch that almost entirely consisted of apple pie

229.

>You're drawn back into the present, watching with some shock as Rainbow Dash scrabbles in the mud puddle she rammed Twilight Sparkle into

230.

>"It's everywhere! How can one pony be so full of pie?!"

231.

>Oh yeah, Rainbow hates those

232.

>This must be so awful for her

233.

>That poor Pegasus

234.

>You express your empathy in the only way you know how:

235.

>Almost falling over in a full on belly laugh, which Spike joins in on

236.

>Twilight Sparkle and Rainbow Dash both glower at you, before Rainbow Dash goes through her whole spiel drenching Twilight and ruining her mane

237.

>Though this time around she impresses you with her speed - able to both bounce on the cloud and lunge through it to clean herself off of mud and... pie

238.

>Twilight stares at Rainbow with a baleful glare, having been able to put two and two together and realize that this rainbow-maned mare is probably the one she's looking for on her list

239.

>The pair engage in some charming back and forth

240.

>Twilight challenges Rainbow's ambitions, and, knowing Rainbow, she can't leave that standing

241.

>The overcast sky above shines nice and bright as the clouds are dismantled in ten seconds flat, leaving Twilight and Spike stunned at her speed

242.

>You indulge the Pegasus and give her a brief stomping ovation

243.

"Fine work, Dash. Always been a pro at leaving things for the last second. You two oughta see her on tax day."

244.

>Rainbow Dash finally seems to register your presence amongst this band of newcomers, puffing her cheeks out irritably

245.

>"I only forgot a FEW years in a row, jeez. What's got you off the farm, Anon? Didn't you say you had a reunion today when I asked if you wanted to hang out?"

246.

>You gesture over to your charges

247.

>Spike's slid off your back at some point to try and convince Twilight her shiny new afro isn't that bad, really

248.

>She doesn't look especially convinced

249.

"Duty calls. Mayor Mare might not have personally requested it, but ah'm sure if she was aware Princess Celestia's appointed overseer was in town, she'd have me doing this anyway. You'll just have t'wait for that hoof-wrassling rematch, ah'm afraid."

250.

>Your relationship with Dash probably isn't that too different than Applejack's, you're pretty sure

251.

>She saw the biggest, toughest Earth Pony in town and immediately decided to make them her rival

252.

>... And then when Big Mac ignored her cajoling, she settled for the next best thing: (You)

253.

>Your time was pretty tied up between your chores and duties, but you still tried to set some aside for the Pegasus

254.

>Hoof-wrassling, horse shoes, the occasional push-up contest

255.

>You kept it fairly casual, to Rainbow's frustration

256.

>She was pretty convinced you weren't taking her seriously

257.

>But shit, that mare damn near broke your foreleg last time you wrassled

258.

>Between her fourteen hour naps, six hours of stuntwork, and ten minutes of work a day you're not sure where she's putting in the time for that kind of strength training

259.

>"Ugh, fine. You better not keep me ducking me though just because you're scared I'm gonna totally win our rematch! Have fun playing escort!"

260.

>With that, and a sound not unlike a mach jet, Rainbow's off into the cleared up sky to return to trying to refine her Buccaneer Blaze

261.

>You turn your attention to Twilight

262.

>Still rocking the 'fro despite her efforts to magic her manestyle back into order

263.

"Well! If ah looked at that list right, next up is the decorations, which is good, 'cause the mare in charge is just what you need right now."

264.

>Twilight looks a bit apprehensive about walking through town looking as she does

265.

>But she relents when she realizes there's nothing to it

266.

>"Lets just get this over with."

267.

>...

268.

>...

269.

>The trek to the Town Hall is, mercifully without further incident

270.

>A few ponies stare at Twilight, so you slow down your pace to walk beside the mare and at least shield her from one side

271.

>"It doesn't look that bad, really!"

272.

>You just shake your head

273.

"Y'got a lot of learnin' to do about mares, Spike. If they think their looks ain't at their best, tryin' to convince them otherwise is like tryin' to move the sun yourself: it just ain't happenin'."

274.

>Casually ignoring the offended scoff from Twilight, you head on into the Hall

275.

>You're immediately assaulted with a riot of color

276.

>Green and magenta and several shades of blue

277.

>It's... a lot

278.

>Even a bumpkin like you can recognize the palette is supposed to mirror Princess Celestia's astral mane

279.

>Eyeing the dozens of streamers and tapestries you recognize that Rarity seems to have been more focused on her color vision rather than theming:

280.

>Half the banners feature absolutely random objects like apple trees, flowers, some sort of yellow diamond, and the like

281.

>Ah well, no one's probably going to say anything

282.

>Too busy screaming and panicking about the unexpected guest of honor

283.

>When you stop admiring the decor you notice that Twilight's already engaged Rarity in conversation

284.

>Or at least trying to

285.

>The mare got about as far as introducing herself before Rarity completely steamrolled over her at the sight of her disheveled state

286.

>It was kind of fascinating watching this sort of thing from the outside

287.

>You suppress a shudder as you recall your own forced makeover by the fashionista

288.

>Seven different costume changes and by the end of it she had your ass trussed up like fucking Woody from Toy Story

289.

>It was only your pointing out that Muriel and the rest of her herd back on the farm probably wouldn't appreciate you strutting around in cow print that freed you from that mess

290.

>Though, as you idly hoof at the scarf around your neck, you will admit it wasn't a total waste

291.

>"Oh, and do join us, Abbondanza! I could certainly do with a stallion's eye!"

292.

>You repress a snort, joining the mares and Spike as Twilight is marched from the Town Hall to the Carousel Boutique

293.

>Rarity's giddiness at the upcoming montage forestalls much conversation, babbling to Twilight about sequins and patterns and the like without leeway

294.

>Obviously, unlike in the show, every outfit isn't presented in jump cuts

295.

>There's a lot of on-the-fly measuring, yelping when straps are strapped too tight, and most importantly, significant amounts of time lost when Rarity eventually decides "too green" or "too poofy" and starts all over again

296.

>Lets ruminate for a bit

297.

>What are the consequences of you not getting the Element of Honesty, here?

298.

>Obviously first and foremost is the fact that the Elements in general won't work

299.

>They did stress how important it was that Twilight get Magic back from Sunset during that special

300.

>You can assume that's a 'we need all six keys to open the nuclear bomb button case' situation

301.

>That just makes you wonder if there's anything resembling a Plan B up Celestia's sleeve

302.

>Where even was she during the whole situation? You don't recall an actual explanation for that

303.

>Some folks suggest she got shoved in the Sun for a few hours, some think she straight up hid just in case

304.

>You'll have to prepare just in case it's the former rather than the latter

305.

>You aren't sure how, but-

306.

>"Abbondanza, darling! I do hope you were paying attention!"

307.

>You jolt as Rumination Hours are closed

308.

>Glancing over at Rarity and Twilight, as expected, Rarity landed on the saddle with the inexplicably floating tassels

309.

>"What do you think, my dear? Isn't she just radiant?"

310.

>Really looking at Twilight...

311.

>Well, she is a pretty mare, sure

312.

>But she was already that before getting trussed up by Rarity

313.

"Fine work as always, Miss Belle. Personally ah preferred the 'too yellow' one, ah didn't see what the problem was there."

314.

>Rarity just huffs and shakes her head, muttering something disparaging about stallions and poor taste

315.

>You're just going to let that one slide as Rarity gets back to gossiping with Twilight

316.

>As expected, when Twilight mentions her hometown, Rarity absolutely spergs out with envy

317.

>Before coming down when she realizes how poorly emeralds go with Twilight's violet coat

318.

>When her back is turned she all but gallops for the door, leaving you to pick up Spike with your teeth and settle the young drake on your back before cantering after her

319.

>You catch up with her quickly enough, she hardly got a few yards before her pace broke into a trot, gasping for air

320.

>Poor girl's spent her developing years shoving her face in books and sitting at desks, she doesn't have the stamina she's going to need in the future just yet

321.

"Always good to see Miss Belle."

322.

>Twilight gives you an unimpressed look

323.

>"Is she usually so..."

324.

"Oh, fer sure. Mare's got a vision for everypony and she wants to make it a reality. Pretty sure the whole town's been subject to a makeover at least once. Miss Belle means well, and she does have an eye for it. Just forgets that folks ain't dolls sometimes."

325.

>Twilight hums thoughfully, looking over herself

326.

>"It doesn't look bad, I will admit. It definitely would benefit from a ruby over an emerald... but we've wasted enough daylight as it is. Spike! What's next on the list?"

327.

>Spike jolts on your back

328.

>Little guy's been murmuring about how beautiful Rarity is this whole time

329.

>You've kind of been trying to deliberately ignore it once it started getting weird

330.

>"Huh? Oh! Right... um, 'Music'! Princess Celestia acquired the services of a bird choir ran by somepony named 'Fluttershy'."

331.

>Your ears pin back on their own accord, mouth drawing into a line

332.

>Somehow you completely forgot that this whole trek would involve the hermit Pegasus

333.

"... Right. Well, get comfortable back there little guy, this one's a bit of a trek. Fluttershy's cottage is just a hoof or so outside the city limits."

334.

>Inwardly you're thankful for the time it's going to take

335.

>You're not looking forward to this leg of the journey