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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 7

By NHanon
Created: 2020-10-23 15:52:56
Expiry: Never
dark/emo/connie amore

  1. 1.
    >You’ve been laying in bed for a while now.
  2. 2.
    >Doesn’t matter, you ruined the concert.
  3. 3.
    >The memories from last night are still fresh in your mind.
  4. 4.
    >’You’re a failure.’
  5. 5.
    >Slowly, you sit up.
  6. 6.
    >Still wearing the dress from last night, your throat feels parched.
  7. 7.
    >You get up and drag yourself to the bathroom.
  8. 8.
    >As you prep a bath, you get a drink of water.
  9. 9.
    >For a brief second, you catch a glimpse of your reflection as you drink.
  10. 10.
    >It’s disgusting.
  11. 11.
    >’You’ve always been disgusting, it’s only now that the veil is lifted that you see it.’
  12. 12.
    >Slowly you slump lower, feeling worse.
  13. 13.
    “Am I really that bad?”
  14. 14.
    >’Of course you are, other ponies don’t say anything because they pity you.’
  15. 15.
    >Shaking your head, you try to bring yourself back under control.
  16. 16.
    “No, this is only recent. I’m better than this.”
  17. 17.
    >’Always thinking you’re perfect. You’re far from it Connie.’
  18. 18.
    >Fury ignites within you briefly.
  19. 19.
    “SHUT UP!”
  20. 20.
    >Silence.
  21. 21.
    >Furiously, you rub your temples in frustration.
  22. 22.
    “Keep it together Connie, can’t let these thoughts get to you.”
  23. 23.
    >Taking a slow breath in to calm yourself down, you take a bath.
  24. 24.
    >Try as you might, it doesn’t feel relaxing.
  25. 25.
    >It’s both frustrating and tiring.
  26. 26.
    >So you cut it short, and go grab the mail.
  27. 27.
    >Hopefully some good news.
  28. 28.
    >Considering the events of yesterday, you’ll hold off on looking through them until you get back inside of your apartment.
  29. 29.
    >It feels like you’re trotting through mud on your way to and from the mail box.
  30. 30.
    >You sit down at your desk and look through them.
  31. 31.
    >Same as yesterday, and no letter from Eri.
  32. 32.
    >Does she hate you?
  33. 33.
    >’Of course she does, all you do is rub your success in her face.’
  34. 34.
    “That’s not true, I would never do that to anypony, let alone Eri.”
  35. 35.
    >’Oh really now? You never stop talking about how great you have it, or how perfect everything is.’
  36. 36.
     
  37. 37.
    >You try to shove aside the thoughts when it finally dawns on you.
  38. 38.
    “Eri told me she deals with dark thoughts like these.”
  39. 39.
    >’And you thought she was crazy.’
  40. 40.
    “No, I didn’t understand what she was going through.”
  41. 41.
    >’Doesn’t matter Connie, Eri doesn’t have ups and downs like this. You’re a whole different kind of freak.’
  42. 42.
    >You’re about to argue against it again, but you realize the thoughts are not wrong.
  43. 43.
    >Eri never has bursts of energy like this.
  44. 44.
    >Sure she said she feels hopeless and numb, but she has never once mentioned going weeks of being energetic.
  45. 45.
    “What’s wrong with me then? This doesn’t make sense.”
  46. 46.
    >’You’re an abomination that’s what.’
  47. 47.
    “No I’m not!”
  48. 48.
    >As your eyes dart around, you’re left in silence.
  49. 49.
    >Your breathing grows erratic, bringing you to tears.
  50. 50.
    >Though you try to bring yourself under control, you start to sob.
  51. 51.
    “Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?”
  52. 52.
    >You hold your head in your hooves and rock gently.
  53. 53.
    “Am I going insane?! Is that what this is?!”
  54. 54.
    >The lack of another to talk to you is making you feel worse.
  55. 55.
    “I’m alone, I’m so alone.”
  56. 56.
    >You keep crying until the sound of rain draws you out of it.
  57. 57.
    >Slowly, you control yourself again, if only for now.
  58. 58.
    >Looking out the window, dark gray clouds cover the sky.
  59. 59.
    >The pattering of rain against the window and seeing it crawl down soothes you a little.
  60. 60.
    >You get up and brew a pot of tea.
  61. 61.
    “Just need to calm my nerves, I’ll go see the doctor soon.”
  62. 62.
    >You should’ve done that sooner, but it’s hard to focus.
  63. 63.
    >Sitting down at the kitchen table, you await the water to boil.
  64. 64.
    >A knocking at the front door causes you to jolt.
  65. 65.
    “Who could that be?”
  66. 66.
    >Getting up slowly, you answer the door.
  67. 67.
    >Feather is standing there with her saddlebags and an umbrella.
  68. 68.
    “Feather?”
  69. 69.
    >Her eyes widen as she looks at you.
  70. 70.
    >”Oh my Celestia, Connie are you alright?”
  71. 71.
     
  72. 72.
    >No pony should see you like this, especially her.
  73. 73.
    >You turn away quickly, but she already has seen you in this sorry state.
  74. 74.
    >I should tell her the truth, she could help.
  75. 75.
    >’Why? She will think you’re crazy. Don’t forget you thought the same thing about Eri.’
  76. 76.
    “I...I’m just sick, everything is fine.”
  77. 77.
    >Her face softens, and she gives an uncertain smile.
  78. 78.
    >”Okay, is it contagious?”
  79. 79.
    >’Look at that, she bought your lie. She only cares about herself, not you.’
  80. 80.
    >You try to push those thoughts aside.
  81. 81.
    “No, why are you here?”
  82. 82.
    >Feather looks a little hurt, but continues.
  83. 83.
    >”I came to check on you. I saw you take off during intermission. The others told me you had to go home for some reason.”
  84. 84.
    >She cared enough to see you?
  85. 85.
    >’Don’t forget the only reason she decided to be your friend was because of your position.’
  86. 86.
    >Shut up.
  87. 87.
    “Oh, well as you can see, I’m still alive.”
  88. 88.
    >Not really a joke, but you didn’t think that through.
  89. 89.
    >She gives a forced laugh, it causes you to cringe a little.
  90. 90.
    >Why’d you do that?
  91. 91.
    >”I’m happy to see that you’re alright, do you have time to chat?”
  92. 92.
    >Considering these damned thoughts, you’ll accept this.
  93. 93.
    >’You’ll regret this Connie, just wait and see.’
  94. 94.
    “Sure, come in. I was just brewing some tea.”
  95. 95.
    >You head back into the kitchen, hearing her close the door behind her.
  96. 96.
    >Coincidentally the kettle starts to whistle.
  97. 97.
    “So how do you like your tea?”
  98. 98.
    >”Two sugars, no cream.”
  99. 99.
    >You nod, and prep a couple of cups.
  100. 100.
    >Entering the living room, you join her on the couch.
  101. 101.
    “So what did you want to talk about?”
  102. 102.
    >She takes a sip from her tea and sets it back.
  103. 103.
    >”I figured you wanted to know if the concert ended well, thankfully it did.”
  104. 104.
    >That’s a relief to hear.
  105. 105.
    >’Doesn’t excuse the fact that you screwed up. Face it, she is lying to you.’
  106. 106.
    >Go away.
  107. 107.
    “That’s good to hear Feather.”
  108. 108.
     
  109. 109.
    >”The other members were worried about you as well.”
  110. 110.
    >They are?
  111. 111.
    >’When was the last time one of them came to check on you Connie?’
  112. 112.
    >They were busy is all.
  113. 113.
    >’Don’t kid yourself, this just proves that she is lying.’
  114. 114.
    >What if she is telling the truth?
  115. 115.
    >’Name at least one time any of them visited you, or even went out for anything with you.’
  116. 116.
    >I can’t.
  117. 117.
    >’Now you understand after I had to force it out for you.’
  118. 118.
    “I see.”
  119. 119.
    >You sip your tea, it tastes rather bitter.
  120. 120.
    >As the nearby clock ticks, an awkward sits between the two of you.
  121. 121.
    >Feather tries to break it.
  122. 122.
    >”So when do you think you’ll be back?”
  123. 123.
    >In truth, you’re not sure.
  124. 124.
    “Soon hopefully.”
  125. 125.
    >She smiles, and finishes her tea.
  126. 126.
    >”I hope so, I’d like to practice together again. Maybe we can hang out like you said?”
  127. 127.
    >A small bit of hope rises within.
  128. 128.
    “I’d like that.”
  129. 129.
    >Feather stands up and grabs her stuff.
  130. 130.
    >”Just let me know when, okay?”
  131. 131.
    “Yes of course, I’ll see you later.”
  132. 132.
    >”See you later as well Connie.”
  133. 133.
    >As she leaves, you’re left alone again.
  134. 134.
    >That small bit of hope is something you’re clinging to now.
  135. 135.
    >Setting aside your tea, you know what you must do.
  136. 136.
    “I’ll go see my doctor, I can’t risk leaving this alone again.”
  137. 137.
    >’And then what?’
  138. 138.
    “And then I’ll get whatever treatment they can offer me. I’ll be able to play again, and be normal.”
  139. 139.
    >’Ha! That’s rich, you actually believe they will help you?’
  140. 140.
    “Of course they will, that’s what doctors do.”
  141. 141.
    >Anger slowly starts to build.
  142. 142.
    >’Really now? Did that ever help Eri?’
  143. 143.
    “It’s not the same!”
  144. 144.
    >’Don’t you remember? She tried to get help, they wanted to make her a zombie with those pills.’
  145. 145.
    >You try to calm yourself.
  146. 146.
    “I’m not Eri, I’m certain they can help me.”
  147. 147.
    >’You’re right, you’re not her. You’re a pathetic imitation.’
  148. 148.
    >Tears of anger flow forth and you start to hyperventilate.
  149. 149.
     
  150. 150.
    “NO I’M NOT!”
  151. 151.
    >In your fit of rage, you flip your coffee table.
  152. 152.
    >Your chest heaves and your heart is pounding loudly in your ears.
  153. 153.
    >The thoughts have left you for now, but you know this is not the end.
  154. 154.
    >Slowly bringing yourself back under control, you start to clean up the mess.
  155. 155.
    “I can’t put this off anymore. I don’t want to imagine what will happen if this continues.”
  156. 156.
    >Especially if what Eri goes through is any indication.
  157. 157.
    >Finally you finish cleaning up and go make yourself presentable.
  158. 158.
    “My doctor will know what is wrong, just need to get over there as soon as possible.”
  159. 159.
    >You head out into the rain and get a taxi.
  160. 160.
    >Along the way, anxiety plagues you.
  161. 161.
    >It’s been a long time since you’ve felt it, not since you first joined the orchestra.
  162. 162.
    >What if they don’t find what’s wrong with you?
  163. 163.
    >I have to hope they do.
  164. 164.
    >The taxi stops, drawing you out of your mind and you’re here at last.
  165. 165.
    >You pay and hurry in, you don’t want to waste a second longer.
  166. 166.
    >Unfortunately you have to wait, but seeing her now is the only chance you have.
  167. 167.
    >Minutes seem to crawl by and finally, it’s time.
  168. 168.
    >A nurse approaches you.
  169. 169.
    >”Connie Amore? The doctor will see you now.”
  170. 170.
    >Relief washes over you.
  171. 171.
    >You nod and quickly go to the examination room.
  172. 172.
    >Doctor Heart greets you with a warm smile.
  173. 173.
    >”Connie, it’s good to see you. What seems to be the problem?”
  174. 174.
    “I’m happy to see you as well, I have a lot to talk about.”
  175. 175.
    >With high hopes, you tell her everything that has happened as of recent.
  176. 176.
    >She listens and through it all, her face shifts from happy to neutral to concerned.
  177. 177.
    “-And it has been getting worse these past few days.”
  178. 178.
    >She takes a moment before talking.
  179. 179.
    >”I can’t say what is causing this problem currently, but we can run some tests to find out.”
  180. 180.
    “How long will this take?”
  181. 181.
     
  182. 182.
    >”We can do the tests right away, but the results may take a day, maybe more. It all depends.”
  183. 183.
    >The words crush you under hoof, and you feel your eyes water.
  184. 184.
    >”However, after hearing what you have told me. I strongly advise you to get some support from a loved one or somepony you greatly trust.”
  185. 185.
    >Should’ve done that sooner…
  186. 186.
    “I will, thank you doctor.”
  187. 187.
    >”You’re welcome, now we can begin those tests right now.”
  188. 188.
    >You nod, and she runs you through many tests.
  189. 189.
    >It feels like hours have passed.
  190. 190.
    >By the end, you’re exhausted, but thankful that it’s over.
  191. 191.
    >”Alright Connie, remember what I said. I will get back to you as soon as possible.”
  192. 192.
    “Yes of course.”
  193. 193.
    >You leave the hospital, a feeling of numbness has started to sweep over you.
  194. 194.
    >The ride home is silent, your mind clinging to what little hope you have left.
  195. 195.
    >Though that hope is fading, the only ponies you really trust in this city are your parents.
  196. 196.
    >Sure you have friends, but none of them really would understand.
  197. 197.
    >Except for Eri, but you’re not sure if you can make it to Ponyville.
  198. 198.
    >At last you arrive and enter your apartment.
  199. 199.
    >You skip eating and instead, try to go to sleep for tomorrow.

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