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/emo/ Unstable Symphony, chp 8 (End)

By NHanon
Created: 2020-10-23 15:54:07
Expiry: Never
dark/emo/connie amore

  1. 1.
    >Sleep?
  2. 2.
    >Who needs sleep?
  3. 3.
    >You don’t, you’ve been restless all night.
  4. 4.
    >Still being tormented by those fucking thoughts.
  5. 5.
    >Each time it shrinks the flame of hope you have little by little.
  6. 6.
    >You even tried sleeping pills, didn’t make you fall asleep, just more tired.
  7. 7.
    >Getting up from your bed again, you try to distract yourself.
  8. 8.
    “All I have to do is kill time, I’ll go over to my parents shortly, they will help.”
  9. 9.
    >’You honestly think that?”
  10. 10.
    >Squeezing your eyes shut, you let out a long groan.
  11. 11.
    “I fucking hate this.”
  12. 12.
    >’Hate it all you want, but you cannot deny the truth Connie.’
  13. 13.
    “Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up.”
  14. 14.
    >Heading into the living room, you see the clock says it’s still early.
  15. 15.
    >’Waiting for the right time? How sad, you really think there is a perfect time to visit them?’
  16. 16.
    >You try to ignore it and look over some papers on your desk.
  17. 17.
    >Various notes are still scattered on papers, mostly from when you were energized.
  18. 18.
    >The party you never had for getting first chair, visiting your parents, composing some music.
  19. 19.
    “Wish I had the sense to follow through some of these when I had the chance.”
  20. 20.
    >’Wouldn’t have mattered. You were being arrogant for getting first chair, you rarely visit family, and you really think you could be original enough to write your own music?’
  21. 21.
    >You grit your teeth, these thoughts are becoming unbearable.
  22. 22.
    “I could’ve tried, that’s what matters.”
  23. 23.
    >’Tried? What kind of excuse is that? No pony who mattered tried, they did it, unlike you.’
  24. 24.
    >You stand abruptly, shoving your chair aside and scream.
  25. 25.
    “THAT’S NOT TRUE!”
  26. 26.
    >As you shake from adrenaline, you shake your head furiously and stomp your hoof.
  27. 27.
    “This is insanity, I have to stop acknowledging these damn thoughts. Figured I’d learn by now, but no, I keep taking the bait.”
  28. 28.
    >Breathing in and releasing it slowly, you start to get yourself under control once more.
  29. 29.
     
  30. 30.
    >Relief isn’t given to you though, instead that numbness returns.
  31. 31.
    >You hear a knocking at the front door.
  32. 32.
    >Letting out a long sigh, you know who it is, one of your neighbors.
  33. 33.
    >Upon answering it, you see you’re right.
  34. 34.
    >”Hello Connie, I don’t know what’s going on, but could you keep it down?”
  35. 35.
    >You feel your eye twitch.
  36. 36.
    >Don’t unload on him, don’t unload on him.
  37. 37.
    “Yeah, sorry, it won’t happen again.”
  38. 38.
    >He gives you a smile and nods.
  39. 39.
    >You close the door and sit down.
  40. 40.
    “I can’t keep doing this. Almost all day yesterday and last night.”
  41. 41.
    >As you get up to get your things, a stray thought enters your mind causing you to pause.
  42. 42.
    “Eri says cutting herself helps with the thoughts and pain.”
  43. 43.
    >Your eyes widen and you feel dread.
  44. 44.
    “What am I saying? I would never do that.”
  45. 45.
    >But the thought remains, you could hurt yourself to silence the thoughts.
  46. 46.
    “No, I have to stop this. I’ll go now, I can’t wait any longer.”
  47. 47.
    >You gather your things as quick as you can, your heart races.
  48. 48.
    >Fear and anxiety haven’t let up, only worsened, slowing you down.
  49. 49.
    “Just get what I need, just the essentials, then head to mother and father’s home.”
  50. 50.
    >You drop a few items, and even stumble a little.
  51. 51.
    >Thoughts are racing, it’s getting harder to focus.
  52. 52.
    >Thankfully, you have what you need in your bags and you put them on.
  53. 53.
    “I have to try to calm down, I don’t want to pass out.”
  54. 54.
    >You take a moment to pause and breath slowly.
  55. 55.
    >Your heart starts to slow down, and things become a little clearer once more.
  56. 56.
    >It doesn’t stop the dread within.
  57. 57.
    “Good enough, time to go.”
  58. 58.
    >Locking up as you go out, you head outside and hail a taxi.
  59. 59.
    >The fact they live on the other side of the city doesn’t help you any.
  60. 60.
    “Just get to mother and father, that’s all I have to do.”
  61. 61.
    >Your patience starts to wear thin, as there is no taxi stopping.
  62. 62.
    “Could this get any worse? No, don’t think that.”
  63. 63.
     
  64. 64.
    >A few ponies stare as you talk to yourself.
  65. 65.
    >Straightening up, you gather yourself.
  66. 66.
    >I have to stop talking to myself like that.
  67. 67.
    >Eventually you manage to flag a taxi, and you get aboard.
  68. 68.
    >Along the way, your mind starts to race again.
  69. 69.
    >Everything will be fine, mother and father will be home.
  70. 70.
    >’And what if they aren’t?’
  71. 71.
    >They will be.
  72. 72.
    >’There is a chance they won’t be home Connie, remember they have their own lives.’
  73. 73.
    >Shut up!
  74. 74.
    >Just shut the hell up!
  75. 75.
    >I’m tired of hearing these thoughts.
  76. 76.
    >You’re unable to stop yourself from tearing up.
  77. 77.
    >No, no, no, no!
  78. 78.
    >Keep it together dammit, I can do this.
  79. 79.
    >Looking around, you take in the sights in an attempt to calm yourself.
  80. 80.
    >Honestly, Manehattan can be beautiful at times.
  81. 81.
    >The various buildings, while sometimes looking similar, remind you of a jigsaw puzzle.
  82. 82.
    >Scenery passes, and it starts to soothe you.
  83. 83.
    >Exhaustion finally settling in, your eyes feel heavy
  84. 84.
    “Suppose I could rest for now, wouldn’t hurt.”
  85. 85.
    >Closing your eyes, sleep takes its hold at last.
  86. 86.
    >Dreams are a mishmash of various memories.
  87. 87.
    >The concert, meeting Eri, your first home.
  88. 88.
    >However, it is not to last, and you are woken up the taxi driver.
  89. 89.
    >”Hey, get up. We’re here.”
  90. 90.
    >You nod, letting out a yawn and hoofing over some bits.
  91. 91.
    “Keep the change.”
  92. 92.
    >He takes off, leaving you in arguably, one of the highest residential areas in Manehattan.
  93. 93.
    >A weight slowly lifts from you, and you feel some peace.
  94. 94.
    >The large house in front of you hasn’t changed since you last saw it.
  95. 95.
    >You trot up to the front door, each step you feel the flame of hope grow within.
  96. 96.
    “Everything will be fine.”
  97. 97.
    >Grabbing the door knocker, you knock three times and wait.
  98. 98.
    >Front lawn is short just like father likes it, still has that oak that you used to sit under and read.
  99. 99.
    >Minutes pass and you knock again.
  100. 100.
    “Probably didn’t hear me, not a problem.”
  101. 101.
     
  102. 102.
    >More time passes, and still nothing.
  103. 103.
    >’No pony is home Connie.’
  104. 104.
    >Ignoring the thought and the rising fear, you knock again.
  105. 105.
    >This time louder.
  106. 106.
    >Still nothing.
  107. 107.
    >’No pony to help you.’
  108. 108.
    “That’s not true, they have to be home, they can’t be gone now when I need them.”
  109. 109.
    >Your heart starts to race, and you feel a cold sweat trickle down your barrel.
  110. 110.
    >’You’re alone.’
  111. 111.
    >Letting the fear get the best of you, you rear up and buck the door.
  112. 112.
    “Please answer the door, I need you!”
  113. 113.
    >A pair of hoof marks are on the door, but you don’t care.
  114. 114.
    >You start to beat on the door in terror.
  115. 115.
    “Please answer me, don’t ignore me!”
  116. 116.
    >After beating on the door and pleading for a while, your hooves and throat hurt.
  117. 117.
    >Tears flow freely down your face.
  118. 118.
    >You lay against the door and sob.
  119. 119.
    >Whatever flame of hope you once had, is now but an ember.
  120. 120.
    “Please...”
  121. 121.
    >Evening has started to roll in, and you finally ran out of tears.
  122. 122.
    >Getting up, you start the long trot home.
  123. 123.
    >You feel completely hollow, like somepony cut your insides out.
  124. 124.
    >It’s the worst feeling you have ever felt.
  125. 125.
    >Eventually, you approach a store.
  126. 126.
    >Rather than giving into those thoughts of cutting yourself, you’ll opt for drinking instead.
  127. 127.
    >Heard that drinking can numb the pain, might help.
  128. 128.
    >At this point you’ll try anything.
  129. 129.
    >You’re not sure what to buy, so you pick up some whiskey.
  130. 130.
    >’That won’t help you.’
  131. 131.
    “I don’t care.”
  132. 132.
    >As it gets darker, you keep your head low.
  133. 133.
    >’So pathetic, you really have given up now.’
  134. 134.
    >You ignore it and keep trotting along.
  135. 135.
    >Finally, you arrive on your block.
  136. 136.
    >Hooves are heavy and your heart more so.
  137. 137.
    >You pause in front of the mail boxes.
  138. 138.
    >It wouldn’t hurt to check, right?
  139. 139.
    >One last check to see if anypony wrote you.
  140. 140.
    >A few letters, but one catches your eye.
  141. 141.
    >It’s from Eri.
  142. 142.
     
  143. 143.
    >You don’t hesitate and open the letter right there.
  144. 144.
    >Dear Connie, I’m sorry I didn’t write you sooner. I got both of your letters and that’s awesome to hear you earned that chair. Things have been rough here, and I have been having trouble as of recent with my problems. There are times where it feels like my loneliness will consume me. Then I read one of your letters and remember that you’re my friend. I’m still holding onto hope like you said. Maybe one day, I could come visit you like you visit me. I’m still writing poetry, I still think it’s shit, even if you don’t think so. I’ve been trying to go out more, it’s really fucking hard. The other day I went to Sugarcube Corner all on my own. Can’t believe I wrote that, it sounds like I’m a filly again. I won’t let this letter drag on anymore than it already has. Write me back soon and take care. -Eri
  145. 145.
    >You’re frozen.
  146. 146.
    “She didn’t ignore me.”
  147. 147.
    >’That was just a fluke.’
  148. 148.
    “Fuck off, you’re just trying to hurt me.”
  149. 149.
    >’Didn’t stop you from buying that bottle Connie.’
  150. 150.
    “Shut up!”
  151. 151.
    >A voice comes from behind you.
  152. 152.
    >”Excuse me?”
  153. 153.
    >Shooting around, you see Feather standing there.
  154. 154.
    “What are you doing here?”
  155. 155.
    >She looks confused and concerned.
  156. 156.
    >”I was just passing by, and I heard you yell.”
  157. 157.
    >Of course she did, you’ve been talking to yourself.
  158. 158.
    >Wait, this is not the time for internal dialogue.
  159. 159.
    >You shake your head, this is your one chance.
  160. 160.
    “You’re right I did.”
  161. 161.
    >Taking a deep breath, you prepare yourself.
  162. 162.
    >’Don’t do this Connie! You can’t trust her! She’ll lie to you and stab you in the back!’
  163. 163.
    “Feather, I know we haven’t been friends for long, but I need somepony I can trust right now.”
  164. 164.
    >She raises an eyebrow.
  165. 165.
    >”Okay, is something the matter?”
  166. 166.
    >You tell her everything, the weird spike in energy and the dark thoughts.
  167. 167.
    >She stands there, listening the whole time.
  168. 168.
     
  169. 169.
    >As you finish, you hold onto that little ember as tight as you can.
  170. 170.
    >Dearly hoping for her to be the one to save you.
  171. 171.
    >”That’s a lot to take in, and you’re putting an awful lot of trust in me. However, I would never turn down helping another pony in their time of need.”
  172. 172.
    >The ember finally roars into a large flame.
  173. 173.
    >With that, you cry tears of joy.
  174. 174.
    “Thank you!”
  175. 175.
    >You pull her into a hug tightly and cry into her.
  176. 176.
    >She awkwardly holds you, but tries to reassure you.
  177. 177.
    >”Everything will be okay, we will get you through this.”
  178. 178.
    >The two of you stand there for a while, and eventually, you stop crying.
  179. 179.
    >”Let’s get you inside, and we can figure things out from there.”
  180. 180.
    “Yes...yes you’re right.”
  181. 181.
    >You both make your way up to your apartment and settle in for the night.
  182. 182.
    >The days that follow are difficult, but she is there with you, helping you out.
  183. 183.
    >The medical tests came back negative, but Doctor Heart recommended you to a therapist.
  184. 184.
    >Since then, you’ve learned that you suffer from bipolar disorder.
  185. 185.
    >Unfortunately it’s not fully understood at this time.
  186. 186.
    >With therapy and some medicine, you’ve learned how to handle it better.
  187. 187.
    >Soon you will be playing with the rest of the Manehattan Symphony Orchestra again.
  188. 188.
    >Speaking of which, you’re practicing now.
  189. 189.
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yWEO9tAg5YA
  190. 190.
    >You feel joy and play in harmony like you used to.
  191. 191.
    >Turns out your parents were gone for the night, had you waited around, you would’ve seen them.
  192. 192.
    >It’s fortunate that you read Eri’s letter when you did.
  193. 193.
    >A part of you worries what would’ve happened, had you not.
  194. 194.
    >That’s in the past now, you look forward to the future.
  195. 195.
    >A more stable future with friends.

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