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                                            1.
                                            >”Eri do you need some help packing?”
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                                            2.
                                            >You see Rest poking her head into your room.
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                                            3.
                                            “Nah, I’m good. Just need to figure out what else to bring.”
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                                            4.
                                            >She smiles.
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                                            5.
                                            >”I don’t get how you didn’t figure this out sooner.”
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                                            6.
                                            >’Because you’re a lazy piece of shit.’
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                                            7.
                                            >Shoving the thought to the side for now, you focus back to deciding.
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                                            8.
                                            “Just distracted I guess.”
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                                            9.
                                            >”Well alright, I’ll be down stairs if you need me.”
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                                            10.
                                            >You listen as she leaves and her hoof steps descend down to the living room.
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                                            11.
                                            >Slowly, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding in.
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                                            12.
                                            “Just pack what I need, that’s all...”
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                                            13.
                                            >Sure, you’ve got some clothes, hoodies mostly, Connie said it can get chilly at night in Manehattan.
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                                            14.
                                            >But you want to bring something else, something a little more personal.
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                                            15.
                                            >Your eyes wander over to your desk, your book sitting there.
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                                            16.
                                            “Who knows, might feel the need to write.”
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                                            17.
                                            >’Yeah fucking right, more pathetic words for you to wallow in Eri?”
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                                            18.
                                            >Ignoring the thought again, you pick up the book and another stray thought joins the previous.
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                                            19.
                                            >’Something personal? How about what’s in the second drawer, that should help.’
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                                            20.
                                            >Your heart beats a little harder as your eyes settle on it.
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                                            21.
                                            >Slowly, you open it up, a pack of open razors sit there, waiting for you.
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                                            22.
                                            “I...I shouldn’t...”
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                                            23.
                                            >’Take one, you know you want to.’
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                                            24.
                                            >You shudder as pick one up, its metallic glint reflects in the dim light of your room.
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                                            25.
                                            “Not like I’m going to need it.”
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                                            26.
                                            >Before you set it back, you get a sudden change of heart and place it in your book.
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                                            27.
                                            >You take a pencil and a few bandages as well.
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                                            28.
                                            “Why am I doing this?”
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                                            29.
                                            >’Because you know deep down, that you will need it for when you cut yourself.’
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                                            30.
                                            >Shaking your head, you finish packing and take one final look at your room.
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                                            31.
                                            >Your eyes look over the room once more, it’s so plain, but it’s yours.
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                                            32.
                                            “I’ll be back soon...”
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                                            33.
                                            >Not like you’re leaving forever, but you’re still afraid.
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                                            34.
                                            
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                                            35.
                                            >As you reach your living room, you see Rest sitting on the couch, reading a book.
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                                            36.
                                            “I-I’m ready.”
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                                            37.
                                            >She quickly turns her head to you and smiles.
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                                            38.
                                            >”Good, sure you got everything?”
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                                            39.
                                            >’How about a life? You don’t have one of those.’
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                                            40.
                                            >You give a fake smile, if only to hide the thoughts.
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                                            41.
                                            “Yeah, pretty certain. Not like we are going to be there that long.”
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                                            42.
                                            >Rest nods and sets the book inside her saddle bags before putting them on.
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                                            43.
                                            >She gets up and brings her own suitcase to her side.
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                                            44.
                                            >”Well then, shall we get going?”
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                                            45.
                                            “Mhm.”
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                                            46.
                                            >Your anxiety is flaring up, but you’re trying to silence it.
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                                            47.
                                            >The two of you head out the front door and you close it behind you, taking your home in.
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                                            48.
                                            >It’s still pretty run down, though Rest has been helping you fix it up.
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                                            49.
                                            >’That’s a lie, it’s more of her doing the work and you’re sitting around you disgusting freak.’
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                                            50.
                                            >Shaking your head, you see Rest looking at you with concern.
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                                            51.
                                            >”Eri?”
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                                            52.
                                            “I’m fine, just feeling my anxiety going up.”
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                                            53.
                                            >”Are you sure you want to still do this? I know Connie asked you, but if this is too much, I’m sure she will understand.”
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                                            54.
                                            >’How about it Eri? Just give up like you always do.’
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                                            55.
                                            >Fuck off.
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                                            56.
                                            “Y-yeah, I need this. It’s a step to getting better, like you said.”
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                                            57.
                                            >Rest smiles and nods.
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                                            58.
                                            >”Of course. Don’t forget though, if you feel like you’re losing it, just tell me, alright?”
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                                            59.
                                            >She has said this so many damn times now, it annoys you a little, but at least she is trying to be helpful.
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                                            60.
                                            >You nod and the two of you start to make your way to the station.
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                                            61.
                                            >Funny how far you have made it thus far, thankfully both Connie and Rest have pulled you out of your shell.
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                                            62.
                                            >Now of course, Connie asked if you would like to come to Manehattan.
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                                            63.
                                            >At first you were terrified, but then after talking with Rest, you realized this was to help you.
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                                            64.
                                            >Thankfully Rest agreeing to come along helped out a lot.
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                                            65.
                                            
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                                            66.
                                            >When you wrote Connie back, she understood and sent two tickets.
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                                            67.
                                            >She even said she would meet you both at the station, that hasn’t quelled your fears though.
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                                            68.
                                            >Manehattan is huge in comparison to Ponyville, and with vastly more ponies.
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                                            69.
                                            >As you approach the train station, you see a few ponies pass by and some are even waiting around.
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                                            70.
                                            >Your eyes dart to the ground, don’t want them to look at you.
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                                            71.
                                            >Sure Connie and Rest have helped, but you still are having trouble.
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                                            72.
                                            >The damn thoughts still torment you and occasionally, you cut to make things quiet or to feel.
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                                            73.
                                            >It upsets Rest, but it’s not like you can stop.
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                                            74.
                                            >Don’t want the thoughts to get ahead, never want them to be right.
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                                            75.
                                            >That doesn’t stop when they are though.
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                                            76.
                                            >You’re pulled from your thoughts as you feel somepony touch your wither.
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                                            77.
                                            >Shooting your head up, you see Rest is the one touching you.
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                                            78.
                                            >Fuck, didn’t realize you were that deep in thought.
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                                            79.
                                            “I’m fine Rest, don’t worry.”
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                                            80.
                                            >Like many times before, she can see right through you.
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                                            81.
                                            >”You can tell me the truth, it’s okay.”
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                                            82.
                                            >Small part of you wishes she couldn’t really read you so well.
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                                            83.
                                            “I’m thinking about the past, and how this is a big step for me. Plus being around all these ponies doesn’t help too much, but I’m trying to push past that.”
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                                            84.
                                            >She nods and pulls away her hoof, you kinda wish she didn’t, it’s not often another touches you.
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                                            85.
                                            >’Desperate much?’
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                                            86.
                                            >Go fuck yourself.
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                                            87.
                                            >”How about we find a seat and wait till the train gets here?”
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                                            88.
                                            “Sure.”
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                                            89.
                                            >Rest leads you to a bench on the far side of the station, away from other ponies.
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                                            90.
                                            >Slowly, you feel yourself calm down, not completely, but it’s a start.
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                                            91.
                                            >Time passes and you play around with your suitcase, not much to do.
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                                            92.
                                            >Looking over, you see Rest reading a medical journal, not too surprising.
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                                            93.
                                            >She notices and lowers the book before smiling.
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                                            94.
                                            >”Guessing you’re bored?”
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                                            95.
                                            “Kinda obvious isn’t it?”
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                                            96.
                                            
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                                            97.
                                            >She closes the book and faces you.
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                                            98.
                                            >”How about we talk then? Good way to pass the time.”
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                                            99.
                                            >What the fuck do you have to say? It’s not like you two don’t talk enough.
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                                            100.
                                            >…
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                                            101.
                                            >Well, not like you tell her everything, just most.
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                                            102.
                                            “How has work been?”
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                                            103.
                                            >’Wow, how original, did you think of that yourself?’
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                                            104.
                                            >Not now dammit.
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                                            105.
                                            >Rest looks a little surprised.
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                                            106.
                                            >”Not too bad I suppose, though it’s surprising that you want to actually hear it.”
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                                            107.
                                            >You almost never let her talk though, so that’s not that shocking.
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                                            108.
                                            >She continues.
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                                            109.
                                            >”One of the highlights was tending to the foal’s wing, they can be so darn cute.”
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                                            110.
                                            >She has a twinkle in her eye as she talks.
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                                            111.
                                            >”Some of them were born there as well. I love hearing their stories, they never cease to cheer me up. Even when I have to deal with a terminal patient, I try to remember seeing their happy faces.”
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                                            112.
                                            >At the mention of ‘terminal’ she starts to get a somber look on her face.
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                                            113.
                                            >Great, now you brought up bad memories.
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                                            114.
                                            >”While it does pain me greatly to see them suffer, I try to carry on for them.”
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                                            115.
                                            >She shakes her head and looks back to you.
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                                            116.
                                            >”I’d rather not dwell on that now, how about you?”
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                                            117.
                                            “Um...I have been trying to write more.”
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                                            118.
                                            >”Oh? You’re working on something new?”
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                                            119.
                                            >If you call writing down your thoughts new, then sure…
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                                            120.
                                            “Just playing around with ideas. Seeing what sticks.”
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                                            121.
                                            >Liar.
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                                            122.
                                            >Rest nods.
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                                            123.
                                            >”I look forward to seeing what you write as always Eri.”
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                                            124.
                                            >As she smiles, you hear a distant train whistle.
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                                            125.
                                            >You feel your pulse rise, it’s been a long time since you’ve rode a train.
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                                            126.
                                            >”Sounds like it’s just about time.”
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                                            127.
                                            >Slowly you nod and grip your suitcase a little tighter.
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                                            128.
                                            >Just remember, you can do this, you can get through this Eri…
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                                            129.
                                            >The whistle grows louder and you two stand up.
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                                            130.
                                            >Rest puts away her book and pulls her suitcase closer to the platform with you joining her.
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                                            131.
                                            
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                                            132.
                                            >Sure this is scary, but you’re looking forward to seeing Connie again.
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                                            133.
                                            >That thought alone makes you calm down more, especially knowing Rest will be here to help you.
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                                            134.
                                            >The train slowly lurches into the station and other ponies are approaching as well.
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                                            135.
                                            >Some to greet friends or loved ones, others to get aboard like you two.
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                                            136.
                                            >As expected, when the train stops and the doors open, many ponies exit with their belongings.
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                                            137.
                                            >You can see Rest keeps looking at you from the corner of her eye.
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                                            138.
                                            >’Are you really going to rely on her that much? How old are you Eri?’
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                                            139.
                                            >Old enough to tell you to fuck off.
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                                            140.
                                            >’You can’t rely on others forever, you have to handle things yourself eventually. NEVER forget that.’
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                                            141.
                                            >As you’re about to argue with yourself, you see Rest moving forward, so you follow closely.
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                                            142.
                                            >You enter the car with her and look around.
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                                            143.
                                            >Some ponies are already seated and even talking.
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                                            144.
                                            >Others like you two, are finding their seats and places to put their luggage.
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                                            145.
                                            >However, being this close to so many is making you really nervous.
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                                            146.
                                            >Why now? Why do I have to be so damn broken?
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                                            147.
                                            >You bite your lip and try to fight against the nerves.
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                                            148.
                                            >Thankfully Rest finds a seat for you two, and you plant yourself next to the window.
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                                            149.
                                            >You let out a slow breath of relief and look around again.
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                                            150.
                                            >Rest is getting your tickets checked with the conductor and sits down.
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                                            151.
                                            >Glad she didn’t see you losing it.
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                                            152.
                                            >”You okay?”
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                                            153.
                                            >And you almost didn’t notice her looking concerned either, answer her.
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                                            154.
                                            “Yeah, still a little nervous, but I’ll be alright.”
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                                            155.
                                            >She nods and pulls out the book again to read.
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                                            156.
                                            >Might as well find something to do as well other than bothering her.
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                                            157.
                                            >You open your bag and pull out your own book.
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                                            158.
                                            >Same black cover, same heart, same you.
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                                            159.
                                            >Just as you open it, a familiar object falls out.
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                                            160.
                                            >Shit! You forgot your damn razor was in there.
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                                            161.
                                            
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                                            162.
                                            >You scramble to pick it up before Rest sees it.
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                                            163.
                                            >Fortunately she doesn’t see it, but does notice you moving about.
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                                            164.
                                            >”Did you drop something?”
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                                            165.
                                            >Hiding it under one of your hooves, you give her a smile.
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                                            166.
                                            “Thought I did, it’s alright though, just some lint.”
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                                            167.
                                            >She smiles back and goes back to reading.
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                                            168.
                                            >Too fucking close, as you grip the steel, it bites into your hoof a little.
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                                            169.
                                            >Not enough to cut, but it’s uncomfortable.
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                                            170.
                                            >Idiot, why’d you bring this?
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                                            171.
                                            >’You know why Eri.’
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                                            172.
                                            >Not again.
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                                            173.
                                            >’Sooner or later, you will fuck up, like you always do. When that happens, you’ll be thankful you have your habit to keep you sane.’
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                                            174.
                                            >As if.
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                                            175.
                                            >’You will see.’
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                                            176.
                                            >Shaking your head, you slip the razor back into the book and put it away.
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                                            177.
                                            >The train starts to move, and you decide to watch the scenery instead.
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                                            178.
                                            >Should’ve brought something to read, but that doesn’t matter now.
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                                            179.
                                            “It’s so pretty.”
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                                            180.
                                            >”What? Oh, the scenery? Yeah I guess it is.”
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                                            181.
                                            >You don’t bother to see if she is actually watching, instead you stay focused on the outside.
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                                            182.
                                            >However, you feel it start to lull you to sleep.
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                                            183.
                                            >Can’t sleep here though.
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                                            184.
                                            >Grabbing your suitcase, you get up and see Rest look at you with a raised eyebrow.
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                                            185.
                                            >”Something wrong?”
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                                            186.
                                            “Feeling tired, gonna fall asleep if I sit here any longer.”
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                                            187.
                                            >”Oh alright, this is going to be a long ride after all. We won’t reach Manehattan till tomorrow, want me to wake you for anything?”
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                                            188.
                                            >You shake your head and start to move past her.
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                                            189.
                                            >”Alright, get some sleep Eri, we have a long day ahead of us.”
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                                            190.
                                            “Yeah, I’ll try.”
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                                            191.
                                            >As you pass by the other seats, you ignore the other ponies, just focus on the destination.
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                                            192.
                                            >It’s not so easy, there are several cars to pass through until you reach the sleeper car.
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                                            193.
                                            >Thankfully there is no pony in there at the moment.
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                                            194.
                                            
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                                            195.
                                            >You find a bed and bring your suitcase close, not like somepony would steal it, but don’t want to take that risk.
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                                            196.
                                            >It doesn’t take long for sleep to take you.
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                                            197.
                                            >You’re awoken after what feels like mere seconds.
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                                            198.
                                            “Wha-huh?”
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                                            199.
                                            >Groggily you open your eyes to see Rest.
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                                            200.
                                            >”Sorry to wake you, but we are about to reach Manehattan.”
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                                            201.
                                            “Wait, what? How long did I sleep?”
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                                            202.
                                            >She smiles.
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                                            203.
                                            >”Pretty much the whole day.”
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                                            204.
                                            >Not surprising, you’d rather sleep forever rather than ever get up again.
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                                            205.
                                            >Rubbing your eyes, you sit up and stretch, letting out a yawn.
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                                            206.
                                            >”I’m going to head back to my seat, see you there.”
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                                            207.
                                            >As she trots out, you grab your suitcase and bring it with you.
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                                            208.
                                            >You feel so groggy, don’t you get enough fucking sleep?
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                                            209.
                                            >’Why would you? You do nothing all day, except for cry or cut yourself.’
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                                            210.
                                            >Letting out a small groan, you try to ignore the thoughts on your way back to your seat.
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                                            211.
                                            >You join Rest and see the city out the window.
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                                            212.
                                            “Wow...”
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                                            213.
                                            >”Yeah it’s something else, nothing like Ponyville.”
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                                            214.
                                            >It’s terrifying, the buildings are so much taller and more cramped.
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                                            215.
                                            >Some of the stars are out and the sun is no where to be seen.
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                                            216.
                                            >The train slows down as it reaches the station and you feel your anxiety rise.
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                                            217.
                                            >This is it, you’re in another city, even if it’s just visiting, you’re actually here.
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                                            218.
                                            >You and Rest wait while the other passengers leave, allowing you both to be the last to depart.
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                                            219.
                                            >Just as you step outside of the car, you hear an all too familiar voice.
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                                            220.
                                            >>”Eri!”
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                                            221.
                                            >Connie quickly rushes to give you a big hug.
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                                            222.
                                            >It overwhelms you, and you can’t say a word.
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                                            223.
                                            >She pulls back with a large smile.
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                                            224.
                                            >>”I’m so happy to see you, glad to see you made it safely.”
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                                            225.
                                            “Y-yeah, you too.”
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                                            226.
                                            >”Ahem.”
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                                            227.
                                            >You both look over to Rest.
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                                            228.
                                            >>”I didn’t forget about you Rest, it’s just that it’s been awhile since I’ve seen Eri. The fact that she actually made it out here makes me so happy.”
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                                            229.
                                            
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                                            230.
                                            >”Fair enough, you said something about us staying with you?”
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                                            231.
                                            >Connie nods and starts to lead you two away from the station.
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                                            232.
                                            >>”Of course, I wouldn’t ask my friends to stay at hotel when they could stay with me for free.”
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                                            233.
                                            >She really is too generous, but then again, Connie has always been a source of happiness.
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                                            234.
                                            >Wish you could be that happy, even for a fraction of the time.
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                                            235.
                                            >Connie hails a taxi for the three of you, her and Rest start to talk.
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                                            236.
                                            >As for you, you’re pretty tired still.
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                                            237.
                                            >You zone out along the way.
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                                            238.
                                            >”We’re here.”
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                                            239.
                                            >Snapping out of it, your rub your eyes.
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                                            240.
                                            >The three of you head up to the apartment, but as you close the door behind you, you let out a yawn.
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                                            241.
                                            “Alright, I think I’m going to go to bed, I’m really tired still.”
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                                            242.
                                            >>”Oh okay, I understand Eri. Can’t imagine this has been easy on you.
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                                            243.
                                            >Yeah, she can say that again.
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                                            244.
                                            >>”I’ll show you the guest room and let you settle in.”
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                                            245.
                                            >You nod and follow her to the hallway.
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                                            246.
                                            >This place is pretty nice, shame you’re so damn tired.
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                                            247.
                                            >She opens one of the doors and heads back towards the living room.
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                                            248.
                                            >>”Goodnight Eri, talk to you in the morning.”
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                                            249.
                                            >Letting out another yawn, you barely mumble out a response.
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                                            250.
                                            “Yeah...You too Connie.”
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                                            251.
                                            >As you reach the bed, you set your suitcase beside it and climb under the covers.
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                                            252.
                                            >The comfortable bed quickly pulls you into a peaceful slumber.
 
                         by NHanon
                         by NHanon
                         by NHanon
                         by NHanon
                         by NHanon