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Teaching an Old Mare New Card Tricks (RGRE)

By Uh-hmmm
Created: 2020-12-21 03:57:32
Expiry: Never

/rgre/

1.
> Be Eye Sis, betrayed Pharaoh of ancient times
2.
> The day has finally arrived for your final battle against the reincarnation of your traitorous high priestess
3.
> Set of Five sneers at your host, slapping her deck into the duel disk
4.
> "Go first, Anonymous, it will be your last!"
5.
> Anon slips his deck into the duel disk, and you take possession of his body
6.
> You stand a little taller, and your shared chest tuft increases dramatically in volume
7.
"You have set yourself up for defeat, Set of Five!"
8.
> You draw your hand and-
9.
> Hold on, this isn't the Dark Magician deck
10.
> Super-heavy Samurai?
11.
> Tuner?
12.
> Curse Anon and his whimsy
13.
> You can feel his amusement in the back of your mind
14.
> [Need some help, Eye Sis?]
15.
> You frown
16.
[No, I'm sure I can figure out what to do...]
17.
> Let's see, special summon blah blah, equip...
18.
> Why would you even want something that only gives 1200 defense?
19.
> Set of Five glares at you
20.
> "Admit it! Nothing you have can defeat my deck!"
21.
> You scowl
22.
[Alright, tell me what to do.]
23.
>[How about I take over and-]
24.
> You mentally sigh
25.
[Monster duels are too dangerous for stallions. Besides, I can't mind crush her if you're in control.]
26.
> [Hmm. Good point. Alright, so all you do this turn is set Superheavy Samurai Soulpiercer face down.]
27.
> ...
28.
[It has zero defense, it will die if anything battles it.]
29.
> [That's the point. Just do it.]
30.
[Fine.]
31.
"I set my monster face down and pass the turn."
32.
> Set of Five cackles
33.
> "That's all? Prepare yourself for unstoppable power!"
34.
> She draws a card
35.
> "I summon Lady of D!"
36.
> [She wants the D so bad!]
37.
[Shut up]
38.
> "And use the Flute of Summoning Dragon to special summon my Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
39.
> [If you played my flute, it would sure special summon a white dragon of something]
40.
[Shut Up]
41.
> "Blue Eyes! Destroy his monster!"
42.
> You scowl, placing your monster in the graveyard
43.
[Now what?]
44.
> [It's ability activates. Search your deck for Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
45.
"Not so fast! My monster's ability activates and I take..."
46.
> [Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji.]
47.
"Superheavy Samurai Big Waraji from my deck and add it to my hand!"
48.
> Set of Five sneers
49.
> "A mere 1800 defense is nothing before my Blue Eyes! Lady of D, attack his life points directly!"
50.
> You stagger back, shaken by the loss but not discouraged
51.
> [Hey, can we do the heart of the cards thing now?]
52.
> You frown
53.
[That requires a depth of trust in your cards that-]
54.
> [Come on, I totally trust my extra-thicc fighty lads enough for magic cheating!]
55.
[It's not cheating! It's friendship!]
56.
> Set of Five smirks
57.
> "Your turn, Anonymous. Take your time, there isn't much left for you."
58.
> You growl
59.
> Her arrogance is no less grating than it was a millennia ago
60.
> Let's just get this over with
61.
"I know my monsters have my back! Come to me, extra thick samurai!"
62.
> [Superheavy Samurai]
63.
[SHUT UP! THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!]
64.
> You draw a card, ignoring Anon's snickering in the background
65.
> It's... another 1200 defense thingy
66.
> Did the heart of the cards fail you? Or maybe you didn't trust in the supethick samurai enough?
67.
> [Nah, we got this. Special summon Waluigi and the trumpeter. We're about to lay down some sick doots.]
68.
> This is all too confusing.
69.
> Back in your day, you had normal monsters, a few spells, and a few traps
70.
> A field spell, if you were lucky
71.
> Now...
72.
"I special summon Superthick Samurai Waluigi and Trumpter!"
73.
> You place the two monsters on the field
74.
[Now what?]
75.
> [Synchro summon Superheavy Samurai Stealth Ninja from our extra deck in defense mode.]
76.
>...
77.
[Extra deck?]
78.
> [Yeah, that little pile of cards on the end there.]
79.
> ...
80.
> Now, a colt has to hold you by the hoof to handle some superthick lads
81.
"I synchro summon Superthick Samurai Stealth Ninja in defense mode!"
82.
> [Activate both Superheavy Samurai Soulshield Walls and equip them to the ninja.]
83.
"I activate two Soulshield Walls! My Ninja's defense is now 5200!"
84.
[Hey, we're pretty safe now. Nice job, Anon.]
85.
> He chuckles
86.
> [The Ninja can attack while in defense mode, using his defense instead of his attack. Did you even read the card?]
87.
> ...
88.
[I skimmed it.]
89.
> [Uh-huh. Just attack the Lady of D and win already.]
90.
> This feels like cheating
91.
"Superthick Ninja! -"
92.
> You are disoriented as Anon forcibly takes control
93.
"-attack the Lady of D with your secret butt fun attack!"
94.
> Thankfully, he cedes control back to you once he's had his say
95.
> Set of Five falls to her knees
96.
> "This is impossible! Nothing can be stronger than the Blue Eyes White Dragon!"
97.
> You scoff
98.
"You lost because you only trusted in your dragon. If you cared about your Lady of D as much as I care about my superthick lads, it would not have been over so quickly."
99.
> [That's bullshit, her deck just can't win as quickly as mine.]
100.
[And the heart of the cards has nothing to do with that?]
101.
> [...Okay, that might help. A little. Still magic cheating.]
102.
[It's not- ugh. Not the time.]
103.
"Mind crush!"
104.
> You walk away from the crumpled mare
105.
> You're too old for this