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[MOONDAY] Night Court

By Nebulus
Created: 2021-07-16 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-01-13 06:29:15
Expiry: Never

princess luna /moon/day

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Some Anons in the /Moon/day thread were discussing silly questions regarding Luna on Google auto-complete. I made a quick short out of it.
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---
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>You often ponder whether or not a thousand years of banishment was really the worst thing Celestia could have done.
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>And after holding Night Court for the last week or so, you have decided that being pressured to hold Night Court was probably worse than a millennium of stasis.
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>"Princess Luna, I appreciate that you are growing frustrated, but these are pressing questions that ponies need answers to."
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"And how," you say as you drag a hoof down your face, stretching the bags under your eyes, "is whether or not I am 'heavier' than my dear sister a matter of significance worthy of the royal court?"
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>"It is not for us to decide that, princess; we merely relay the most pressing matters of the day to you, and at the moment this is what ponies wish to know."
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"Canterlot ponies, or ponies from all over Equestria?"
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>"From all over, your highness."
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"Very well," you suck in a deep breath, then let it out, "proceed."
13.
>"Will you be attending the gala this year?"
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"Yes."
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>"Are you going to be wearing a green dress?"
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"No."
17.
>"What is your cutie mark?"
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"A crescent moon."
19.
>"Why is it not a full moon?"
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"Fate alone knows."
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>"Is Princess Celestia your mother?"
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"I... No, she is not."
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>"Is Lauren Faust your mother?"
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"I don't know who that is."
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>"Are you dead?"
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>You stare at the royal herald for a long time.
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>He waits patiently for your response.
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"...No, I am not dead."
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>"Do you have a coltfriend?"
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"Not currently."
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>"Will you be my marefriend?"
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"...Was that a proposition, herald, or merely one of the inquests?"
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>"That was one of the inquests, your highness."
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"No."
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>"Will you be my marefriend?"
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"You already--"
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>"That one was actually me."
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"The answer is still no."
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>"Are you allergic to the sun?"
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"No."
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>"How many hooves am I holding up?"
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>He holds up a single hoof.
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"One."
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>"And how many hooves am I holding up -now-?"
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>He hides his hoof behind his head.
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"...Still one."
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>"She's good," he mutters under his breath.
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>Your eyes drift to the small alarm clock you had taken to having beside your throne.
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>Hours yet remain of the Night Court.
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>You repress a shudder and look back to the herald.
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>"Is the sun your fetish?"
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"No."
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>"Have you ever kissed Celestia."
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"N--... No."
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>He cocks an eyebrow at you.
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>You glare at him.
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>He gulps and continues on.
58.
>"Is Princess Cadence your daughter?"
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"Certainly not."
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>"Is Shining Armor your son?"
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"No."
62.
>"When is your birthday?"
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>You manage a small smile.
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"The twelfth day of January."
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>"What is your last name?"
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"Imperia."
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>"How old are you?"
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"Older than you, child."
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>"...Princess Luna--"
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"You ought not ask a lady her age, herald; it is considered rude."
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>"R-right."
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>He looks down at his list, and blinks.
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>For a while he regards it dumbly, not sure what to say.
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"Is there a problem, herald?"
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>"I, uh, n-not as such?"
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"Is the question inappropriate?"
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>"Not really, well I'm not sure, actually."
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>You let out a weary sigh.
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"Ask it."
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>He wets his lips and looks up at you.
81.
>"...Are you autistic?"
82.
>You take a deep, calm breath through your nose, and gently let it out past your lips.
83.
"No, herald, I am not autistic."
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>"...Are you sure--"
85.
>The alarm clock, briefly airborne on account of a rush of blue magic, smashes dead-centre in the middle of his forehead with a resounding 'clang'; cogs, sprockets, and springs showering the floor as he drops to the tiles with a yelp.
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>You rise from your throne and address the stunned guards and few remaining nobles that had yet to speak in a frosty tone.
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"Night Court has ended. It will resume tomorrow evening at the same time. I trust you will not bother me with inane questions?"
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>The nobles all nod hastily.
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"Good. Have a pleasant evening."
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"I am pleased to see you in good health, herald."
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>The royal herald sways slightly, the off-white gauze wrapped tightly around his head and secured with a giant safety pin stands in stark contrast to his grey coat and dusky blue mane.
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>"Glad to... glad to still be here, Princess Luna."
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>You nod at him and straighten your back, assessing the room.
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"Shall we begin with the night's inquests?"
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>He nods, wincing slightly, and waving forward the first noble.
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>An older stallion, dressed in the sort of finery one would expect of the aristocracy, stands before you confidently.
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>He holds his top hat in the crook of his foreleg and clears his throat, addressing you in a pleasingly straight-forward manner.
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>"Princess Luna, thank you for allowing me this opportunity to speak."
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"You are most welcome, subject; I trust that my counsel will be of use to you."
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>"I believe it will. The Canterlot Chamber of Commerce has convened to discuss recent developments following your reappearance; it seems that with her highness' presence, ponies have a renewed interest in night-time activities, and this presents an opportunity to capitalise; done properly, this will bolster local businesses within Canterlot, as well as provide an increase to tax revenue for the royal coffers."
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>You allow a small smile, pleased to finally be addressing something important.
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"I would be most interested to hear your proposals, my good stallion. What do you wish to know?"
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>"The Chamber is still discussing the specifics, and it may be some days before we decide on a collective plan of action, but until then we had but one question of great importance we needed your appraisal of."
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"Of course! Ask away."
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>"Would you rather fight one dragon-sized Celestia, or a hundred parasprite-sized Celestias?"
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>...
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>The stallion is limply dragged out of the chamber by a pair of royal guardsponies en route to the infirmary, his formerly well-shaped hat now securely up his bottom.
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>You scowl at the room before you, your good mood effectively ruined.
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>The herald clears his throat nervously.
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>Your eyes narrow at him.
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>"If... If it would please her highness, there are thirty one more subjects to be seen this evening."
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>The next noble steps forth timidly, flashing you a fearful grimace as your eyes bore into him.
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>Though your voice is low, all in the room hear you as you softly utter:
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"Begin."
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>"Are you a unicorn?"
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"No."
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>"Are you Nightmare Moon?"
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"Not... not anymore."
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>"Why did you make friends with Nightmare Moon?"
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"Did you not hear the last pony? She was I, but I am not she, anymore."
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>"Why did your hair change?"
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"It took a few days for my form to revert to its ordinary mature state upon my return from banishment."
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>"What was it like on the moon?"
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"I was not -on- the moon, I was magically sealed within it."
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>"What does the moon taste like?"
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"I do not know."
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>"Why are you so popular?"
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"I... I was not aware that I was."
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>You glance away from the mare before you and look uncertainly to the herald.
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>He gives you a reassuring nod and a smile, wincing slightly as he does so.
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>You feel a faint blush and clear your throat into a hoof, trying not to let it show.
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"Thank you for letting me know, my dear lady."
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>"You're most welcome, your highness."
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"Do you require anything else?"
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>"Oh! Yes, one more thing."
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"Oh?"
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>"How old are you?"
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>"How many alarm clocks do you have, and please can you throw one at me like you did at that mare just now?"
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"I had but a single clock tonight, but there shall be more, I assure you."
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>"What is your favourite colour?"
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"Blue."
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>"Would you rather explode or drown?"
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"What in the blazes...?"
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>"How many foals do you think you could beat up at once?"
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>You stare in silence at the stallion before you.
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>Then put a hoof to your chin as you find yourself seriously considering how many you could take in a fight.
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>"Are you my mother?"
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"No. I have no children."
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>"Could I call you 'mommy' anyway?"
165.
"Guard!" you shout to your side, "Get me another alarm clock!"
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>"If I have three apples, and I eat two apples, how many apples am I left with?"
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"...One?"
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>"Oooh!" the filly nods excitedly and scribbles down her answer on her homework sheet.
170.
"How did you even get in? Who granted this filly an audience; herald?!"
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>"How many foals do you think you could take in a fight?"
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"We've already--... Twenty thousand. More if I was fully-armoured."
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>"Nice."
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>"Are you bad?"
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"I was."
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>"Why are you not bad anymore?"
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"Because being bad is... bad."
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>"Why is bad, bad?"
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"Bad is bad because bad is bad."
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>"Baddy bad?"
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"Bad badda bad."
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>"Babdadbad"
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"Babb-- what devilry is this-- guards! Arrest her for witchcraft!"
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>"How are you?"
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>...
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>You blink and cock your head.
190.
>The last noble stands before you.
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>A slight, rather old stallion; dressed in simple clothes compared to his predecessors.
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>He waits patiently for you to answer, and when you do not he ventures his question again.
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>"I, uh, I said how are you?"
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"I am... well. I am doing well."
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>"Are you glad to be back with your sister?"
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>A faint smile graces your lips.
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"I am."
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>"Did you miss her?"
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"I... did. I missed her very much."
200.
>"I'm glad you came back, Princess. It's nice to see that Princess Celestia is smiling again."
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>You frown at him.
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"What do you mean?"
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>He shrugs and glances around at the now largely empty room.
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>"She was always smiling before, but as long as I've lived here it always seemed forced; like she was acting happy just to keep the rest of us at peace. Now that you're back, it's the first time I've ever seen her genuinely smile."
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>...
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>"Princess Luna?"
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>Your head hangs low, and you desperately try not to let the noble see the tears welling in your eyes.
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>It doesn't work, and you can't help but let out a small sob.
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>You hear movement, and glance up again to see both he and the herald, as well as a few of your personal guard, standing at the foot of the dais, regarding you with worry.
210.
>"Are you alright?" the noble asks once more, his voice soft, and tender eyes searching.
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>You give them all a quivering smile.
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"Y-yes, I'm... I'm fine."
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>Your smile stretches wider, and you let out an involuntary laugh, the first you've had in a very long time.
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"I think I'm going to be fine."
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The End.