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Anon observes the p0nies

By kqaii
Created: 2022-07-27 06:54:38
Updated: 2022-07-27 06:56:54
Expiry: Never

twilight sparkle rainbow dash cadence oneshot funny aie

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Copied from https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/21924152/#q21924152
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*Original author is Anon*
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--
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>Anon!
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>I tripped and scraped my hind leg!
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>It hurts, anon!
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Behold the unicorn in the wild. We see this young mare has injured herself and has become more vulnerable to predation. She will most likely not survive the night.
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>"Would you stop narrating Anon, you jerk, and help me up!"
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"Her neighing for help is unanswered as nature takes it's course."
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---
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"Here we see the Flutterus Shyus in it's natural habitat, it's important to stay quiet, as it spooks easily."
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>"A...Anon, do you need something?"
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"It looks like we've been spotted, but if we're careful we won't scare it away."
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>"Anon please, I need to feed the birds."
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"IT'S BECOME AGITATED, WE HAVE TO GET OUTTA HERE!"
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---
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"It is usual for the Earth Pony to cover herself in liquid mud in this way to control parasites and make herself more attractive to stallions."
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>"Anon, if y'all aint gunna help with the apple harvest then at least git outta th' way!"
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"The primordial drive to mate is so strong in these quadrupeds that a mare unsuccessful in finding a mate will often present herself to strapping red family members in a desperate attempt to sate her appetite for rutting."
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>"EXCUSE me?"
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"If we're lucky, we'll get to watch."
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---
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"Ahh, be careful know, we've just stumbled into the habitat of the Rainbus Dykius, one of the most dangarus animals on the planet."
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>"My name is Rainbow Dash, Anon. It's Pinkie's name you always screw up."
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"Careful now, its agitated. Its venom is also incredibly potent, just one bite will have you munchin the shag rug in your bathroom."
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>"HEY! WHAT ARE YO.!"
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"I'm going to poke it with a stick!"
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>"OW! DID YOU JUST BUCKIN.!"
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"ITS ANGREH!"
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---
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"We need to be extremely quiet. This creature will be easily startled, but if we're lucky we'll see a sight not many have ever witnessed.
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And here she comes! The graceful pink Alicorn, stepping into her watering hole. With gentle movements this beautiful creature
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steps under the cascading water, and we can see she is actually using tools - in this case a bottle of soap and a shower puff.
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Notice how the steaming water curves round her perfect, nubile flanks... the way the soap suds pool at the softest part of her long neck."
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>"Da dum dee..."
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"And now she is singing a mating call, while she washes her flawless body... yes... her tricolor mane is plastered enticingly against her face... her supple hindquarters beg to be touched..."
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>"Tra laaa la la..."
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"Yes... that's right... years of evolution have made her perfectly adapted to lather the soap lovingly over her firm body... not missing one inch of gorgeous pink coat..."
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>"Doo be doo doo..."
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"Perhaps... if we move a little to the left... we'll be able to see better around that annoying bathroom curtain..."
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>"Da dum - huh?"
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"Her sharp hearing picked up the slight crack the branch I'm sitting on made when I moved... it is imperative we remain absolutely still, or..."
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>"Shining Armor! Shining Armor!"
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"And now she calls for her mate, the alpha male of the herd. But he's probably not even within earshot..."
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>"Cadance? What is it my love? Are you hurt?"
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>"No, darling! There's someone out there! Watching me take my shower!"
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>"There's WHAT?"
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"Well... unfortunately he *was* within earshot and it would probably be prudent to..."
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>"HEY! YOU! WHAT THE HAY DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING? WERE YOU SPYING ON MY WIFE!?"
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"And so, throwing caution to the wind the Anon now drops from the tree..."
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>"GET BACK HERE! DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM? YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE!"
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"The casual... observer would probably... be surprised at the ease... with which the Anon now leaps... over hedges and... small fences..."
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>"YOU'RE DEAD! WHEN I CATCH YOU, YOU'RE DEAD!"