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>Be zoomer
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>Finishing up bench day in the gym with the boys
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>Doing the optimum five sets of one, twelve minute rest in-between
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"Ayo turn the tunes up"
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>The cloudrap on the bluetooth speaker has reached 100 dB
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>You unrack the bar
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>Back arch: fully engaged, you're essentially doing a bridge
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>Let the bar bounce off your ribcage and rack it
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>This was a heavy day
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>55lbs total
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>"Wow man, 8 hours of chilling on the bench and 20 minutes benching, a new record!"
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"Yea cuh. We fucked it up"
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>As you make your way to the showers for brojobs your entire body begins glowing white
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>"Mike what the hell? You on creatine or somm bruh? Always said stay away from that shit"
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>The glowing ramps up, it's so bright you have to close your eyes
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>Suddenly, Pop!
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>You open your eyes and look around
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>You're in a fucking cow pen
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"What the hell? This shit is so not bussin.Sheeeeesh."
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>You pull out your cellular telephone
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"No siggy for my niggy?"
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>Looking closer, these cows have been staring at you since you arrived
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"Whatchu lookin at cuh? This bussy's for my girl (male) and my girl (male) only"
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>"Bussy? Young minotaur, why are you in our field at night?"
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>"Methinks this one might be a frisky one, ay, mary-anne? Here for some fun, young one?"
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>"Oh, hush, Marabel!"
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"Ah shit I been smoking too much of that k2, hallucination cows fucking talking again god damn it."
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>"Honey, I can assure you we are real. Here, calm down."
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>"Heh, how's this for real?"
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>One of the two cows sticks her face into your crotch and huffs like a madwoman
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"FUCK THIS I'M OUT"
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>Once again you sprint away from your demons. Why must you self sabotage yourself always? Is your self-inflicted punishment deserved, or something you enjoy? You have no answer except, once again, to flee.
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>"God damn it Marabel, why do you always have to sexually assault the cute ones? This is why we never score."
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>"Haha, that's me! Sexual assault! haha! Rape! Hahahaha! It's what I do! Lol I just can't help it!"
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>You hear a drawn out sigh behind you
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>Hopping the fence of the cow pen, you stop to catch your breath
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>After a few minutes you stand up and examine your surroundings
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>You can see a dimly lit town in the distance
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>Shit looks straight out of Disney
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>Disney, man, shit
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>Brings you back to your childhood last year
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>You fapped to that Instagram influencer's Disney trip for hours
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>Consigning yourself to a walk, you head towards town
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>>38984469
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>Be time
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>Be two hours later
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>Be ZIE
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>Just walked the farthest you've ever walked, approx. 2 miles
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>Suddenly, a pink blur shoots into your vision
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>"Hey, it's me Pinkie pie andnowI'mgonnatalkreallyfastbbecauseIguessnooneknowshowtowritemeandeveryoneflanderizesmyfuckingcharacter! Ooh, are you new? I should throw you a party! A "Welcome to ponyville party"! And a "Green man" party, too! I love being a three dimensional character and I'm really glad that the one party I throw isn't going to be the last time I'm relevant to the plot! Whipee!"
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>Before you have a chance to get a word in edgewise she's zipped away
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"Wait, was that a fucking pony? Like from that show fat men watch?"
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>Suddenly, twilight walks up
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>"Hello! what species are you?"
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"My name is-"
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>"DID I FUCKING ASK? LET ME REPEAT: DID. I. FUCKING. ASK?"
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"n-"
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>"Hold that thought, I'm getting a magic signal. Hmm something about you being a deadly poison to Equestria that would rot it from it's very core? And something else, about wanting to wrap a story up?"
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>Suddenly, twilight turns around and bucks you in the head
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>Your skull instantly caves
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>And everyone lived happily after the end
by Rusty_Snoot
by Rusty_Snoot
by Rusty_Snoot
by Rusty_Snoot
by Rusty_Snoot