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[FLUTTERRAPE] Crazy Classroom Capers

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 12:59:20
Expiry: Never

anon oc nsfw comedy cheerilee /flutterrape/cutie mark crusaders

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Originally uploaded to Pastebin: March 18th, 2013
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>Day Education in Equestria
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>Wake up
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>Groan at the sunlight hitting you in the eyes
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>Move a hand over your face to stop the burning
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>Sit up
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>Look around your room
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>Papers and books are everywhere
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>Kick off the covers and go to have a shower and a shit
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>Shaving be damned
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>You walk downstairs, stroking your stubble
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>Pour some Lune-O's and cover them in milk
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>The milk turns dark blue and you can see sparkles in it
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>Shit, that's awesome.
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>Gulp the entire bowl down and burp
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>Stand up and go over to the door to begin your no doubt thrill-filled rollercoaster ride of a day
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>Before you reach it, you hear a knock
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>Open the door
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>Look down
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>Cheerilee stands there, beaming at you
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>"Good morning, Anonymous! I hope I'm not bothering you, am I?"
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Nope.
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>"Good! Well, I have a bit of a problem, I was wondering if you could help me!"
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>Uh oh.
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>"See, my father... Was a drinker, and a fiend. And one night, he goes off crazier than usual, mommy got the kitchen knife to defend herself. He doesn't like that."
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>She leans forwards slightly and narrows her eyes
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>"Not. One. Bit. So, me watching, he takes the knife to her, laughing while he does it. He turns to me, and he says: 'Why so serious?'"
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>She takes a step forward. You take a step back.
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>"He comes at -me- with the knife! 'WHY SO SERIOUS?'"
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>She's now glaring at you, and you're shitting your pants
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>"Lets put a SMILE on that face!"
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>She smiles malevolently at you
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>"Aaaaand..."
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>You whimper
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>"...Can you watch the kids today?"
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FUCK.
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>You are Anon.
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>Substitute teacher
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>"Pleeease? I would really appreciate it, and you're the only pon- uhh, Human in town with a backbone strong enough for the kids!"
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Why can't you ask Twilight?
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>"We... Had a falling out."
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Over what?
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>Cheerilee grumbles. You pick up the words "cheating bitch" in there though.
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Well what about Fluttershy? She's great with kids.
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>"She's also stupid. Come on, Anon. You're the smartest guy in town! Could you just watch the kids whilst I attend to some things?"
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Where are you even going?
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>At that moment, a giant white Pegasus covered in muscle lands next to you both, shaking the ground as he lands
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>Cheerilee gets on his back
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>She puts on some sunshades
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>Draws a crossbow
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>And puts on a Fedora
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>"I've got vampires to slay."
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>She slaps the Pegasus' ass and he takes flight
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>Watch them go
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I fucking hate this town.
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>You walk back inside and grab some supplies, paper, pencils, quills and ink.
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>Stomp across town and towards the school house
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>Reach the playground
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>Fillies and Colts are playing and laughing
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>Sigh
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>Maybe this won't be so bad
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>Some prissy looking filly wearing a shit crown points at you
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>"Eww! That monkey is here! Where's the teacher?!"
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>Walk over to her
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>Grab her mane
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>She squeals and screams
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>The other kids watch you, mouths agape
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>Kick open the door to the school
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>Throw the bitch in
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>Turn around and scream at the top of your lungs
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CLASS IS IN SESSION!
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>You glare at the class
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>The class glares back
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>Sniff
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>The narrow their eyes
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>Turn your back
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>A paper ball hits the back of your head
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>You hear giggles
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>Spin back around
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WHO DID THAT?
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>Silence
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WHICH ONE A' YA'LL DEAD MOTHER FUCKERS JUST THREW THAT SHIT?
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>Point at some bucktoothed ingrate sat at the front who's holding a camera
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WAS IT YOU, STRING BEAN? YOU SKINNY ASS LOOKIN' MOTHER FUCKER?
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>"N-no, sir!"
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Oh, well alright then.
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>Smile
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>Pat him on the head
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Good boy.
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>Turn back to the blackboard and scribble your name
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My name is Anonymous. And today I will be your teacher whilst Cheerilee is away.
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>A fat colt at the back raises his hoof
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Yes, you, the fat kid at the back.
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>His face falls a bit, but he recovers and speaks up
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>"What's Ms Cheerilee doing?"
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Fighting Vampires.
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>He blinks, then raises his hoof again
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>"What's a Vampire?"
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Edge personified.
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>You clear your throat
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Now! Are there any more questions before we begin?
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>Sweetie Belle raises her hoof
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Yes, Sweetie Belle?
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>"What's a shlong?"
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You'll find out when you're older.
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>Open the brown envelope in Cheerilee's desk that she left you
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>A note falls out
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>"Hello, Anonymous! Here is the lesson plan. Hope all goes well! ~ Cheerilee"
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>You look at the lesson plan
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>'Sex Education'
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Congratulations, Sweetie Belle. You're older.
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>The class "ooohs" at the topic you scribble on the board
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>A grey filly in glasses raises her hoof
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Yes?
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>"I already know about sex! My dad taught me everything there is!"
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>She smiles smugly at you
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>You gawp at her
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Well ok then. Enjoy your future career as a prostitute.
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>"What's a prostitute?"
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God's gift to men.
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>Another pony at the back raises her hoof
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>She's wearing jam-jar glasses and a propeller hat
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Uhh, yes?
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>She clears her throat and speaks in a squeaky voice
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>"Umm, w-will you be demonstrating?"
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Hell no.
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>"O-oh... Okay..."
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>You shake your head and look back at the rest of the class
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>Bitch-Pone and Grey-Slut are chattering
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>The fat kid is eating an entire cake. Seriously. There is an entire birthday cake on his desk and he's eating it.
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>Applebloom and Scootaloo and making paper aeroplanes
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>Sweetie Belle is drawing pink dragons on her paper
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>Rub your temples
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EVERYONE BE QUIET!
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>The class falls silent
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>Bitch-Pone giggles
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>Throw a book at her
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>It hits her square in the face and she almost does a backflip from the force
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>Scootaloo bursts out laughing
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>"Oh my gosh you're the best sub EVER!"
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>The rest of the class eagerly agrees
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>Fat kid cheers over his cake
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Right. Sex Ed. Uhh, I wasn't really prepared for this, but I'll try.
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>Clear your throat
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So-
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>The propeller-hat pony raises her hoof
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>"C-can we see your dick?"
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>The class cheers
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>"Yeah! Show us your dick!"
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>They all pause
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>Then all raise their hooves
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...Yes?
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>"What's a dick?"
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Zeus help me... Look, I'm about to explain that-
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>A pony at the front raises his hoof
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OH MY GOD. WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?
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>He smirks
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>"Allow me to explain to the class since you CLEARLY don't understand the intricate workings of the Equine body"
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>He saunters over the Sweetie Belle and takes her hoof in his
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>He looks over his shoulder at you, still wearing a shit eating grin
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>"This... "Creature", clearly doesn't understand true beauty of the mare form..."
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>He kisses her hoof
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>You walk over to him
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>Pick him up
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>"Ugh! Get your filthy hands off me, you sub-equine monster!"
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>Walk over to the cupboard at the other side of the room
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>Place him inside
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>"My father shall hear of this, monster!"
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>Walk over to Bitch-pone
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>Pick her up
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>Put her in there with him
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>Shut the cupboard door
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>Push it over so that the doors are against the floor
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>Dust your hands
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>Walk back to the front of the class
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>Lick your teeth
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Will there be any more interruptions?
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>No one moves
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>Fat kid coughs
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What was that, Chubs?
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>"N-nothing, sir"
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Good.
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Now. We're going to learn how horse sex works. And you're going to like it. Am I understood?
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>Everyone nods
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>The propeller hat pony shudders
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>She's awfully big for her age
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>You draw a crude dick on the blackboard
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>Wait, shit. That's a human dick.
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>You brush it off and draw a horse cock instead
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>Stand back
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>Much better
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>Turn to the class and point at it
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What do you think this is?
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>Applebloom raises her hoof
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>"Oh! Oh! A plow!"
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Well no, it CAN plow, that's not what it's called.
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>The Cutie Mark Crusaders put their heads together and start guessing to themselves
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>Grey-Slut calmly raises a hoof
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Yes?
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>"It's a Custard Cannon. That's what my dad calls it"
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You really have no shame, do you?
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>"Nope."
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Yeah, sure, whatever. It's a custard cannon.
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>You draw a vagina next to the dick
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Who can tell me wh- JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
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>Propeller-hat pone is spreading her butt cheeks and waving her rear at you
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>"I-is it this, Anon?"
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>You notice that she's got a piece of paper sellotaped over each flank, with the words "plz ignore" written on them
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>She's also leaking all over the desk
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>The kids "Woah" quietly
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Get the fuck down and shut up, you cretin.
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>The pony gets down and sulks
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>Shake your head
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It's a vagina. The custard cannon goes in the vagina. Any questions?
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>Everyone raises a hoof, including the propeller hat pony
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>Point at Chubs
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>"When's lunch?"
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>Throw a book at him
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>Point at Grey-Slut
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>"Wanna have some fun after class?"
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>Give her the middle finger
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>Point at Applebloom
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>"Do ya like Apples?"
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>Throw an apple at her
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>Once you're done answering questions, half the class has concussion and the other half are hiding under the desks
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>Hold a book over your head, ready to throw
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ANYONE ELSE HAVE A STUPID FUCKING QUESTION?
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>The propeller pony raises her hoof shakily
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>"A-are classrooms your-"
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>A copy of "Mathematics for Foals" hits her straight between the eyes
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>You hear screaming from inside the closet
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>”GET THAT AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEP!”
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>”No.”
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>"[Screams Externally]
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>Sit down on a stool
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>It breaks under your weight
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>Sit among the shattered remains of a stool
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>Scootaloo raises a hoof
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Yes... Scootaloo?
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>"Will you be teaching us tomorrow?"
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Depends if Cheerilee survives.
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>"I-I like you teaching... You don't take crap from no pony!"
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>Manage a smile
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Glad you like me, I guess.
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>Someone prods your shoulder
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>Look over
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>Chubs, sporting a large black eye, trembles as he offers you a slice of cake
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>Gingerly take it and bite into it
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>Chew slowly
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>This cake is really good
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>Smile at Chubs and ruffle his hair
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Thanks, Chubs
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>"M-my name is Stuffed Cheeks"
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Are you serious? What's your talent, eating?
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>"No, it's Molecular Biology"
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>Holy shit.
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>You stand up and rub your stubble
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So. Did any of you learn anything today?
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>A filly with book shaped mark on her face groans
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>"D-don't ask stupid questions"
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>A colt with a bloody nose and a nervous voice squeaks
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>"Don't be a smart-flank"
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>Applebloom sits up, Apple chunks and juice mixed with blood all over her face
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>"Don' go bein' silly, an' think before ya speak"
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>Nod proudly
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Well done, all of you. Bloody well done.
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>Place your hands on your hips
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I think this was a pretty successful first day!
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>A voice from the back of the class calls out
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>"I think Glitter Ball needs a doctor!"
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>Grin
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Class! New lesson plan! We're going to learn first aid!
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>Look down at Chubs
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Chubs!
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>"Yes, boss?"
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>Chuckle darkly
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Get me my stabbing pencil.
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>One classroom surgery later, you send the kids home
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>Watch with a weary smile as they help each other out the door, groaning and wincing in pain
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>Scootaloo supports Appleboom whilst carrying Sweetie Belle on her back out the door
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>Grey-Slut winks at you on the way out, and drags some random kid round the back of the school where no one can see
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>The propeller pony walks out and winks at you as well
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>With her vagina
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>Absolutely Disgusting
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>Lastly, Chubs walks out, but stops next to you
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>He looks up
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>"When I'm older, I'm gonna find you and dissect you for science as payback for today"
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>Smile and pat him on the back
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Kid, with an attitude like that, you'll go far in life. Have a nice evening
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>He smiles
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>"You too, future experiment."
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>He walks past you
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>Trip him up with a foot
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>He rolls down the hill, cursing your name the whole time while he speeds into Ponyville like a sentient katamari
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>You pull the door shut and lock it, making sure you have everything before heading home.
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>Being a teacher is great.
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>Be Diamond Tiara
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HELLOOOOOOOOO?! Any pony gonna let me out of here?!
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>Sit back down and huff
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>A hoof strokes your leg
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>Tense up
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>Hear a voice in the dark
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>"How about I show you my custard cannon, baby. We got aaaaaaall night."
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>[Scream externally - internally]
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The End