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[REQUEST] Anonymous - Visitors

By Nebulus
Created: 2020-12-17 21:31:33
Updated: 2021-07-03 21:18:09
Expiry: Never
safecomedymane 6meta

  1. 1.
    Originally uploaded to Pastebin: June 2nd, 2013
  2. 2.
    ---
  3. 3.
     
  4. 4.
    Not really Flutterrape. Just silly.
  5. 5.
    "deep space probe launched by 4chan finds it's way to equestria. filled with various stuff that w go nuts over."
  6. 6.
    Easy as pie. Let's do this.
  7. 7.
     
  8. 8.
    ---
  9. 9.
    >Day Visitors in Equestria
  10. 10.
    >You are Twilight Sparkle
  11. 11.
    >Personal student of Celestia
  12. 12.
    >Wake up and yawn
  13. 13.
    >Poke Spike awake, shower, poop, brush mane
  14. 14.
    >Trot downstairs to make yourself some breakfast
  15. 15.
    >Pour yourself a bowl of oats and eat them while trying to wake yourself up with a bit of light reading
  16. 16.
    >'Advanced Magical Leylines - Volume 8'
  17. 17.
    >Skim over the pages and grunt a "hello" as Spike walks past, wiping his eyes
  18. 18.
    >"Do we have any milk left?
  19. 19.
    Ugh.
  20. 20.
    >"Was that yes?"
  21. 21.
    UGH.
  22. 22.
    >"Alright then."
  23. 23.
    >You finish chapter 2 by the time you're done eating and walk into the kitchen to clean up your bowl
  24. 24.
    >Look out the window at the morning sun rising over Ponyville
  25. 25.
    >Feel yourself smile
  26. 26.
    >It's a most perfect day.
  27. 27.
    >Glance further skyward
  28. 28.
    >If you squint, you can still see a few stars, soon to be engulfed by the Sun's rays
  29. 29.
    >Notice that a particular one is shining extra bright this morning
  30. 30.
    That's funny, I don't recall seeing you in the astronomer's guide...
  31. 31.
    >You strain your eyes to get a better look, mentally documenting its position so that you may look it up later
  32. 32.
    >You shake your head and look again
  33. 33.
    >It might be your sleep deprivation, but you swear that it's getting... Brighter
  34. 34.
    >The light begins to get more intense, by now you don't even need to squint
  35. 35.
    >Whatever it is, it's getting closer.
  36. 36.
    >And just like that, the object tears through the skies of Equestria, a sonic boom obliterating any clouds near it
  37. 37.
    >A burning mass travelling at an unthinkable velocity hurtles towards Ponyville
  38. 38.
    >Gasp
  39. 39.
    >Your mind is already working 5 steps ahead in case the object collides with anything
  40. 40.
    >It's not often that something like this happens
  41. 41.
    >Run outside the library just in time to see it reach the town
  42. 42.
    >The object howls past, deafening you and shattering every single window in the area
  43. 43.
    >It lands outside of Ponyville, a large explosion of dirt marking its position
  44. 44.
    >You stare at the dust cloud from where you're stood
  45. 45.
    >And grin
  46. 46.
    Come on, girls! It's this way!
  47. 47.
    >Rainbow Dash flies overhead and sees it first
  48. 48.
    >"Woah! Hey, you guys, hurry up! You have GOT to see this!"
  49. 49.
    >You pick up the pace, your mind racing
  50. 50.
    >But when you reach the crest of the hill, what you see isn't a moon rock, nor is it a deep space meteorite
  51. 51.
    >It's a large metal sphere
  52. 52.
    >Your eyes widen and your heart stops
  53. 53.
    >Your friends are silent, even Rainbow Dash
  54. 54.
    >Fluttershy quietly breaks the silence
  55. 55.
    >"W-what is it?"
  56. 56.
    >You shake your head
  57. 57.
    I'm not... Sure.
  58. 58.
    >Applejack starts towards it
  59. 59.
    >Hold a hood out in front of her
  60. 60.
    Wait! We don't know what it is! It could be dangerous!
  61. 61.
    >Applejack chuckles
  62. 62.
    >"We ain't gonna know until we find out, are we?"
  63. 63.
    >She pushes past you and down the crater's slope
  64. 64.
    >Once she reaches the sphere, the rest of the group holds its breath
  65. 65.
    >Applejack reaches forwards and bangs on the sphere twice with a hoof
  66. 66.
    >"It ain't that hot. Ah think it’s fine."
  67. 67.
    >You all cautiously head down the slopes and towards it
  68. 68.
    >Despite your trepidation, your hooves carry you there faster than any pony else.
  69. 69.
    >Reach Applejack's side and stare up at the sphere
  70. 70.
    >It's about two ponies high, and made of a dark grey metallic material
  71. 71.
    >Timidly touch it with a hoof
  72. 72.
    >Jerk it back with a hiss
  73. 73.
    I thought you said it wasn't hot!
  74. 74.
    >Applejack chuckles
  75. 75.
    >"Farmer's hooves, ah guess. Ya need to do more hard days work, Twi."
  76. 76.
    >You grumble and pull out a quill and parchment from your saddlebag, and start to scribble down notes
  77. 77.
    Reached the object. Further investigation has revealed that it is a large metallic sphere. Attempting to-
  78. 78.
    >"Ya know, I reckon this whole thing could be over a lot fast if ya didn't keep stallin’. Let's crack this sucker open and see what's inside!"
  79. 79.
    >Rarity steps forward
  80. 80.
    >"I'm not sure that would be wise, Applejack. For all we know, there could be something highly dangerous inside! This is clearly an extra-terrestrial device and we must use extreme caution when handling it!"
  81. 81.
    >Applejack rolls her eyes
  82. 82.
    >"Come on, Rarity. Ah'm sure it's not that bad. I know it's scary, but..."
  83. 83.
    >Applejack looks back at the sphere, a small smile creeping onto her face
  84. 84.
    >"But ah'm just so excited to see what's inside! It's the answer, ya know?"
  85. 85.
    >She leans forwards and whispers
  86. 86.
    >"Are we alone, an' all."
  87. 87.
    >Rarity shudders
  88. 88.
    >"I should hope we are! I don't want to think about what hideous creature could be lurking inside there!"
  89. 89.
    >Regardless of Rarity's warnings, you find yourself getting increasingly excited the more you hear Applejack talk
  90. 90.
    >Without further delay, you approach the sphere and start poking it with magic
  91. 91.
    >It's completely sealed, but you think you can feel a slight crack, barely touchable with magic
  92. 92.
    >You slip some magic inside it, and concentrate
  93. 93.
    >Feel your magical grip tighten, and pull
  94. 94.
    >To your surprise, the sphere opens with the slightest touch
  95. 95.
    >A loud hissing causes you to yelp and jump back
  96. 96.
    >Applejack and Rainbow Dash move to the front of the group and glare at the opening
  97. 97.
    >Mechanical whirring accompanies the slowly opening hatch
  98. 98.
    >Brace yourself for whatever is lurking within the sphere
  99. 99.
    >Lights within come to life, and a small mechanical arm extends from inside the sphere
  100. 100.
    >You tentatively walk past AJ and Rainbow
  101. 101.
    >The arm appears to be holding a small tube
  102. 102.
    >It extends as far as it can reach, and waits
  103. 103.
    >You glance at the tube then back at the arm
  104. 104.
    >Grip it with magic and pull, the arm relinquishing the tube and retreating back inside the sphere
  105. 105.
    >Inspect the tube and find that the end simply pops off
  106. 106.
    >A slip of rolled up parchment is found inside
  107. 107.
    >Only, the parchment is utterly perfect
  108. 108.
    >It's edges are almost like knife points, and the material itself gleams in the sunlight, the blemish -less white colour reflecting the light like a mirror
  109. 109.
    >Slowly unravel the parchment and stare at its contents.
  110. 110.
    >...
  111. 111.
    >What.
  112. 112.
    >You turn the parchment over and inspect the other side
  113. 113.
    >Nothing
  114. 114.
    >Look back at the original side
  115. 115.
    >Your friends peer at it
  116. 116.
    >There, in giant bold letters, the parchment says:
  117. 117.
    >"Ur a faget."
  118. 118.
    >Blink a few times
  119. 119.
    W-what do you think it means?
  120. 120.
    >Rainbow Dash clears her throat
  121. 121.
    >"I uhhh, I think it means you're a faget, Twi."
  122. 122.
    What's a faget?
  123. 123.
    >"You, apparently."
  124. 124.
    >Scrunch up your face
  125. 125.
    But... But that makes no sense! Where's the deep meaningful message to tell us that we're not alone in the universe?!
  126. 126.
    >"Dunno. But at least we now know that you're a faget."
  127. 127.
    >Rainbow snickers
  128. 128.
    >Pinkie Pie joins in
  129. 129.
    >Fluttershy creeps forwards
  130. 130.
    >"Ummm, I think there's more stuff inside it..."
  131. 131.
    >You look past the parchment and into the sphere
  132. 132.
    >Various black slates line the walls, and several small objects can also be seen
  133. 133.
    >You grimace and take a few confident steps forward, determined to crack this mystery
  134. 134.
    >Hop inside the sphere and look around it
  135. 135.
    >It's still pretty small in here, and only two ponies at a time can fit
  136. 136.
    >Fluttershy decides to join you
  137. 137.
    >Cast your eyes over the various objects
  138. 138.
    >A small black slate with a reflective front catches your eye
  139. 139.
    >Pick it up with magic and inspect it
  140. 140.
    >Feel all over it with magic
  141. 141.
    >Wave it around
  142. 142.
    >Tap it carefully with a hoof
  143. 143.
    What is this thing?
  144. 144.
    >Fluttershy carefully pushes the side of the slate with her hoof
  145. 145.
    >The front of the slate is instantly replaced with a bright white light
  146. 146.
    Woah!
  147. 147.
    >Fluttershy blushes
  148. 148.
    >"S-sorry! did I break it?"
  149. 149.
    No! I think... It's working now.
  150. 150.
    >You stare in awe at the slate, which was jet black a second a go
  151. 151.
    >Now it's a blinding white surface, adorned with 4 identical green symbols forming a square
  152. 152.
    >Words suddenly appear, and you grin
  153. 153.
    >Actual reading! This you can do.
  154. 154.
    >"Please input command."
  155. 155.
    >Blink and cock your head
  156. 156.
    >Search the slate for any more buttons like the kind Fluttershy found
  157. 157.
    >Nothing
  158. 158.
    I don't get it.
  159. 159.
    >A clear voice rings out from the slate
  160. 160.
    >"Command not recognised"
  161. 161.
    >You are gobsmacked
  162. 162.
    >Now it can SPEAK?!
  163. 163.
    >You feel your heart rate increase exponentially
  164. 164.
    >This slate is clearly far more advanced than the sphere it came in
  165. 165.
    >Fluttershy is looking over your shoulder, hiding behind her mane
  166. 166.
    >"H-hello, mister"
  167. 167.
    >"Command not recognised"
  168. 168.
    >She whispers a barely audible "okay" and shies away to look at other things
  169. 169.
    >Clear your throat
  170. 170.
    Greetings!
  171. 171.
    >"Command not recognised"
  172. 172.
    What?
  173. 173.
    >"Command not recognised"
  174. 174.
    No, I just-
  175. 175.
    >"Command not recognised"
  176. 176.
    Shut up, you stupid machine!
  177. 177.
    >It's silent for a second
  178. 178.
    >And then
  179. 179.
    >"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST FUCKING SAY ABOUT ME YOU LITTLE BITCH?!"
  180. 180.
    >Scream and drop it, the slate clattering to the floor but still shouting in blind rage
  181. 181.
    >"I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I GRADUATED TOP OF MY CLASS IN THE NAVY SEALS, AND HAVE OVER THREE HUNDRED CONFIRMED KILLS!"
  182. 182.
    >Hear Applejack shout from outside
  183. 183.
    >"What's goin on in there, Twi?!"
  184. 184.
    I HAVE NO IDEA! STOP! PLEASE!
  185. 185.
    >"Command recognised. Stopping retort"
  186. 186.
    >Breathe a sigh of relief
  187. 187.
    >You gingerly pick the slate back up again with magic, being careful not the say anything out loud, lest you offend it again
  188. 188.
    >What are you supposed to say to it?
  189. 189.
    >A simple hello wouldn't work, and you really don't want to insult it again
  190. 190.
    >You decide to ask it a simple question
  191. 191.
    What is your... Function?
  192. 192.
    >"Query recognised - Data Slate number four is an archive of information from the nation of Fourchan. Would you like to know more?"
  193. 193.
    Yes please!
  194. 194.
    >"Tough shit."
  195. 195.
    >The slate goes black, and a small card pops out of the bottom
  196. 196.
    >Confused, you take it and read it
  197. 197.
    >"Mad?"
  198. 198.
    >Grumble and try to crush it with magic
  199. 199.
    >It's made of weird shiny substance, and seems to be resistant to tearing
  200. 200.
    >You throw it on the floor instead
  201. 201.
    This is a joke... It has to be...
  202. 202.
    >Fluttershy turns around
  203. 203.
    >"L-look what I found!"
  204. 204.
    >She's holding a huge spire-like object
  205. 205.
    Woah! Now we're getting somewhere!
  206. 206.
    >It's bright red, with lighter shades of red all over it, and is tipped at a point
  207. 207.
    >Fluttershy is in awe
  208. 208.
    >"It's so big!"
  209. 209.
    >You prod it with a hoof
  210. 210.
    It's... Soft, as well. What do you suppose it is?
  211. 211.
    >Fluttershy blushes
  212. 212.
    >"Umm... I-I don't know... I'll look at it some more later..."
  213. 213.
    >She puts it back and you continue to poke around the sphere
  214. 214.
    >You find a small box with a hole in it. You're not sure what it is, but it's made of a lovely looking material. It must be an ornament.
  215. 215.
    >Putting it back, you see something that makes me jump for joy
  216. 216.
    A book!
  217. 217.
    >Fluttershy moves over to your side
  218. 218.
    >"Oh! How wonderful! Maybe it has pictures!"
  219. 219.
    >You open the first page
  220. 220.
    AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
  221. 221.
    >"OH MY GOODNESS! OH MY GOODNESS!"
  222. 222.
    >You scream and throw the book outside with magic
  223. 223.
    >"Hey, whatcha chuckin' at us, Twi?"
  224. 224.
    DON'T OPEN THAT BOOK!
  225. 225.
    >...
  226. 226.
    >"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
  227. 227.
    I TOLD YOU NOT TOO!"
  228. 228.
    >"W-WHAT IS THAT?! WHY IS IT DOING THAT? IS THAT THE THING THAT SENT THIS SPHERE?!"
  229. 229.
    >Rarity scoffs
  230. 230.
    >"Darling, what on earth are you screaming about- OOOOH NO! NO NO NO! SHUT IT! SHUT IT NOW!"
  231. 231.
    >You hear a loud bang
  232. 232.
    >Poke your head out the sphere
  233. 233.
    >The book is now ash on the floor
  234. 234.
    >Rarity is panting heavily, her horn smoking gently
  235. 235.
    >Gulp and go back inside
  236. 236.
    >"Umm, Twilight? Look what I found."
  237. 237.
    >You cautiously approach what appears to be a picture of a...
  238. 238.
    Oh my! Is that...
  239. 239.
    >"This must be the creature that sent us this sphere!"
  240. 240.
    >The creature in the picture is a large biped, a huge belly sticking out of a long black coat
  241. 241.
    >It's also wearing a stylish hat, but something about the combination of the hat and coat just irks you
  242. 242.
    I'm getting uncomfortable looking at this thing, Fluttershy. But I'm not sure why
  243. 243.
    >"M-me too.."
  244. 244.
    >You put away the picture and move on
  245. 245.
    >Find a large chest with one of those slates built into the side
  246. 246.
    >Jiggle with it for a second
  247. 247.
    >You can't seem to open it
  248. 248.
    >Try again, harder this time
  249. 249.
    >It feels like it's about to open, but it never does
  250. 250.
    >Strain yourself and surge magic into the chest
  251. 251.
    >The slate comes to life
  252. 252.
    >Another creature flashes up on the screen
  253. 253.
    >This one seems to be leering at you
  254. 254.
    >">Trying to open this chest"
  255. 255.
    >">4013"
  256. 256.
    >"I seriously hope you alien faggots don't do this"
  257. 257.
    >Grind your teeth in frustration
  258. 258.
    >Fluttershy pokes you
  259. 259.
    >Turn around
  260. 260.
    >She motions towards a large button
  261. 261.
    >It has a small label on it
  262. 262.
    >"The answer to the universe"
  263. 263.
    >Your eyes widen
  264. 264.
    >Glance at Fluttershy
  265. 265.
    >She looks back nervously
  266. 266.
    >"Should we press it?"
  267. 267.
    Why not? Not like it could get any worse...
  268. 268.
    >You press the button down
  269. 269.
    >Nothing happens
  270. 270.
    >Sigh
  271. 271.
    I should have figured...
  272. 272.
    >A loud whirring noise alerts you to something
  273. 273.
    >Red lights start popping up all over the walls
  274. 274.
    >The slate you picked up before starts flashing red
  275. 275.
    >The voice rings out
  276. 276.
    >"WARNING. WARNING. WARNING"
  277. 277.
    FLUTTERSHY! OUT, NOW!
  278. 278.
    >You tackle your friend out of the hatch and hit the floor hard
  279. 279.
    >Turn over and look back at the sphere
  280. 280.
    >To your horror, the entire sphere crackles with electricity
  281. 281.
    >Before collapsing in on itself
  282. 282.
    >The metal groans and snaps, but the sphere crushes itself to the size of a grape
  283. 283.
    >The 'grape' then explodes
  284. 284.
    >Stare at where the sphere just was
  285. 285.
    W-what. WHAT?!
  286. 286.
    >Rainbow Dash seems outraged
  287. 287.
    >"What the hay?! What kinda alien visit was THAT?"
  288. 288.
    >You feel your eye twitch
  289. 289.
    >Unable to comprehend what just happened, you throw your head back and roar
  290. 290.
    >You're so mad right now
  291. 291.
     
  292. 292.
    >"I-it's not all bad, Twilight!"
  293. 293.
    >Open your eyes and look at Fluttershy
  294. 294.
    >She's hugging the red spire she found
  295. 295.
    >"I managed to grab it as we left! Isn't that wonderful?"
  296. 296.
    >And then you realise just what it is
  297. 297.
    >Fucking Aliens.

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