Freedom never fails by Anon

https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/19864190/

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>Anonymous!
>Congratulations once again to both you and your waifu.
>It was really a nice ceremony, wasn't it?
>Thanks for coming over, I know it's been a long and exciting day.
>You see, I wanted to explain something to you.
>Equestria is a country with a lot of history. A lot of upbringing. A great many traditions that we ponies love to celebrate.
>And it's one of these traditions I wanted to tell you about.
>You see, the Princesses of Equestria have a certain right...
>We call it:
>Prima Nocta.

>You share a look with your waifu.
>[WAIFU] trembles.
>"A-anon? You're... You're not gonna let her do this to me, are you?"
>Rest a hand on her back, reassuring her.
"[WAIFU], I promise that they won't touch you."
>She manages a weak smile.
>"B-but it's tradition!"
>Twilight scowls at you.
>"Yes, Anon, it's tradition! You don't want to offend us now, do you?"
>Reach into your pocket and pull out your ultimate weapon.
>A cuban cigar.
>Sniff it and pop it in your mouth.
"Son, I don't think you understand what you're dealing with."
>Twilight rolls her eyes.
>"Anon, you're not going to sit here and disrespect our culture."
"Lady, I come from a nation that shits on cultures for a living."
>Twilight gasps.
>"A-anon! You can't swear at a princess!"
"Like hell I can't, faggot."
>Reach into your other pocket and pull out a phone.
"This planet is pretty awesome, but you know what would make it better?"
>She doesn't answer.
>Dial a quick number.
>...
"Hello? Yeah, you'd better get over here--"
>Lock eyes with Twilight.
"This planet has a fuckton of oil."
>A deep rumbling shakes the ground you stand on.
>Light your cigar and hold your waifu close to you.
>Twilight unfurls her wings, preparing to deal with the new threat.
>"Who did you call, Anon? WHO DID YOU CALL?!"
"Liberty." 

>At that moment, a tomahawk missile slams into Canterlot Castle, obliterating it entirely.
>Twilight gawks as the once majestic structure collapses into rubble.
>A squadron of F-16s soar overhead, accompanied by the sound of eagles screeching.
>Fireworks appear out of nowhere, accompanying the explosions that also seem to erupt from thin air.
>Canterlot burns in a matter of moments as Comanche troop transports land among the ruins, letting thousands of greasy, overweight and ultra-zealous gun-toting maniacs into the city.
>"WOO! FREEDOM!"
>"FUCK YEAH, 'MURKA!"
>"LIBERATION FOR THE NATION!"
>"I LIKE IKE!"
>"MUH LIBERTIES!"
>Twilight tries to fend off the oncoming hordes, but she is quickly liberated into a fine red powder.
>A large man in a perfectly fitting suit drops out of the sky and choke slams Princess Luna next to you, creating a small crater where they hit the street.
>He stands up and dusts off his hands, then pushes his glasses up his nose.
>"NOTHING LIKE A WAR TO KICK START THE ECONOMY, EH, ANON?"
"Right you are, President Armstrong."
>He pats you on the back then leaps away to deliver more freedom to the natives.
>Your waifu looks at you, her body now wearing an american flag bikini and and covered in oil.
>She cries with happiness as her people are slaughtered for oil.
>"Oh Anon! Now we can finally be together!"
>Pick her up and hold her against your chest.
>"But how did you know this would work?"
>Watch in silence as a massive american flag is raised on a newly erected flagpole over the ruins of Canterlot Castle.
"Freedom never fails, [WAIFU]."
>A single tear rolls down your cheek.
"God bless America."

And then you totally did butt stuff with your waifu.
It was hot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jXpTNZH1biI