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Freedom never fails by Anon
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---
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>Anonymous!
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>Congratulations once again to both you and your waifu.
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>It was really a nice ceremony, wasn't it?
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>Thanks for coming over, I know it's been a long and exciting day.
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>You see, I wanted to explain something to you.
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>Equestria is a country with a lot of history. A lot of upbringing. A great many traditions that we ponies love to celebrate.
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>And it's one of these traditions I wanted to tell you about.
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>You see, the Princesses of Equestria have a certain right...
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>We call it:
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>Prima Nocta.
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>You share a look with your waifu.
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>[WAIFU] trembles.
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>"A-anon? You're... You're not gonna let her do this to me, are you?"
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>Rest a hand on her back, reassuring her.
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"[WAIFU], I promise that they won't touch you."
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>She manages a weak smile.
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>"B-but it's tradition!"
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>Twilight scowls at you.
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>"Yes, Anon, it's tradition! You don't want to offend us now, do you?"
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>Reach into your pocket and pull out your ultimate weapon.
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>A cuban cigar.
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>Sniff it and pop it in your mouth.
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"Son, I don't think you understand what you're dealing with."
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>Twilight rolls her eyes.
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>"Anon, you're not going to sit here and disrespect our culture."
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"Lady, I come from a nation that shits on cultures for a living."
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>Twilight gasps.
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>"A-anon! You can't swear at a princess!"
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"Like hell I can't, faggot."
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>Reach into your other pocket and pull out a phone.
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"This planet is pretty awesome, but you know what would make it better?"
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>She doesn't answer.
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>Dial a quick number.
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>...
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"Hello? Yeah, you'd better get over here--"
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>Lock eyes with Twilight.
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"This planet has a fuckton of oil."
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>A deep rumbling shakes the ground you stand on.
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>Light your cigar and hold your waifu close to you.
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>Twilight unfurls her wings, preparing to deal with the new threat.
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>"Who did you call, Anon? WHO DID YOU CALL?!"
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"Liberty."
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>At that moment, a tomahawk missile slams into Canterlot Castle, obliterating it entirely.
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>Twilight gawks as the once majestic structure collapses into rubble.
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>A squadron of F-16s soar overhead, accompanied by the sound of eagles screeching.
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>Fireworks appear out of nowhere, accompanying the explosions that also seem to erupt from thin air.
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>Canterlot burns in a matter of moments as Comanche troop transports land among the ruins, letting thousands of greasy, overweight and ultra-zealous gun-toting maniacs into the city.
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>"WOO! FREEDOM!"
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>"FUCK YEAH, 'MURKA!"
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>"LIBERATION FOR THE NATION!"
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>"I LIKE IKE!"
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>"MUH LIBERTIES!"
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>Twilight tries to fend off the oncoming hordes, but she is quickly liberated into a fine red powder.
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>A large man in a perfectly fitting suit drops out of the sky and choke slams Princess Luna next to you, creating a small crater where they hit the street.
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>He stands up and dusts off his hands, then pushes his glasses up his nose.
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>"NOTHING LIKE A WAR TO KICK START THE ECONOMY, EH, ANON?"
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"Right you are, President Armstrong."
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>He pats you on the back then leaps away to deliver more freedom to the natives.
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>Your waifu looks at you, her body now wearing an american flag bikini and and covered in oil.
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>She cries with happiness as her people are slaughtered for oil.
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>"Oh Anon! Now we can finally be together!"
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>Pick her up and hold her against your chest.
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>"But how did you know this would work?"
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>Watch in silence as a massive american flag is raised on a newly erected flagpole over the ruins of Canterlot Castle.
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"Freedom never fails, [WAIFU]."
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>A single tear rolls down your cheek.
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"God bless America."
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And then you totally did butt stuff with your waifu.
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It was hot.
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