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Old Request: Grand Larceny

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-25 19:48:59
Expiry: Never
applejackfluttershy/flutterrape/spike

  1. 1.
    Originally Published February 26th, 2018
  2. 2.
     
  3. 3.
    >Day of Objections in Equestria
  4. 4.
    >Be Anonymous
  5. 5.
    "I'm 28, and I do odd jobs around Ponyville."
  6. 6.
    >"Thank you Anonymous. Anonymous, would you say that you are a good person?"
  7. 7.
    >George, the Griffin, does a slight twirl towards the jury as he says this.
  8. 8.
    "I'd like to think so, sure."
  9. 9.
    >You try hiding your nervousness as you turn towards the defense's desk thing.
  10. 10.
    >Sitting there is your co-defendant, Spike, his red bowtie drenched in sweat.
  11. 11.
    >And sitting there as well is your lawyer, Fluttershy.
  12. 12.
    >"Well then, Anon, if you're the good person you claim to be then why are you sitting in this courtroom?!"
  13. 13.
    >The whole courtroom gasps, and several jurors faint
  14. 14.
    >Mayor Mare clamors for order as she tries to get her courtroom back under control.
  15. 15.
    >You stay cool though, ignoring the theatrics going on around you
  16. 16.
    "I'm sitting here because I was accused of a crime I did not commit."
  17. 17.
    >George turns back to you
  18. 18.
    >"Oh of course Mr. Nymous, but I would like it to be known to the court that the first step to admittance..."
  19. 19.
    >A hush falls over the court as George freezes in place.
  20. 20.
    >"...IS DENIAL!!" This concludes my opening statement, Your Honor.
  21. 21.
    >Your eyes threaten to roll out of their sockets when you catch more jurors fainting, one of them clutching his chest as he goes down.
  22. 22.
    >Fucking great, you think bitterly. This will do wonders for your case.
  23. 23.
    >The Mayor is forced to call a brief recess to get things back under control.
  24. 24.
    >You, your damp dragon "accomplice", and your lawyer are escorted to a waiting room while everything settles down.
  25. 25.
     
  26. 26.
     
  27. 27.
    >"W-w-w-we're not gonna go to jail, are we Anon?"
  28. 28.
    "Of course not, little man," you reassure him. "We're gonna be just fine."
  29. 29.
    >You both turn to look at Fluttershy, who throws her forelegs up to hide her face when she catches you staring at her.
  30. 30.
    >Unfortunately, she happened to be holding her case notes at the time, and ending up flinging them across the room.
  31. 31.
    "Juuuust fine."
  32. 32.
    >"Oh Celestia I'm not made for prison, Anon! I have a very addictive personality and give in to social pressure easily. I don't want to be somebody's bitch!"
  33. 33.
    >"It's okay, Spike. I'll make sure the both of you get off just fine~~."
  34. 34.
    >She says the last part with a wink.
  35. 35.
    >Eugh.
  36. 36.
    >You've tried getting Fluttershy replaced as your lawyer in the days leading up to the trial, even offering to defend yourself.
  37. 37.
    >Sadly, the court didn't accept your collection of Ace Attorney fanfiction as valid legal experience.
  38. 38.
    >Nor did they think her cocklust for you would represent a conflict of interest.
  39. 39.
    >Plus, Nutterbutter was the only Public Defender willing to take your case, as everyone else considered your "crime" a gross mockery to their values.
  40. 40.
    >All you know is that you were charged with "grand larceny", but you haven't the foggiest idea what your accuser thinks you've stolen.
  41. 41.
    >An accuser you don't even know yet, thanks how to the law works here.
  42. 42.
    >Sure, when you first got here you may have nabbed a cake or two to keep yourself from starving, but you paid them back in full once you got settled.
  43. 43.
    >So what could it b-
  44. 44.
    >You feel a tap on your shoulder from the security guard
  45. 45.
    >"Defense, please proceed back to the courtroom."
  46. 46.
    "Welp, lets get this over with."
  47. 47.
    >The three of you walk back to your corner, with Flutterfingers chasing after a stray piece of paper that floated away from her notes.
  48. 48.
    >A profound feeling of being fucked washes over you
  49. 49.
     
  50. 50.
    >The courtroom has finally gotten back under control, and Mayor Mare is staring at the three of you
  51. 51.
    >"Where were we again...Ah, yes! The Prosecution delivered their opening statement. Defense, do you have a rebuttal?"
  52. 52.
    >You quickly stand
  53. 53.
    Your Honor, this is all just a misunderst-
  54. 54.
    >The Mayor grabs her gavel and shakingly points it at you
  55. 55.
    >"NOT YOU YOU FILTHY LIAR YOUR ATTORNEY", she shrieks in a mix of rage and fear
  56. 56.
    >'What the fuck is wrong with the legal system here?', you think as you sit back down and Flutters heads before the judge
  57. 57.
    >"T-thank you, Your Honor."
  58. 58.
    >"Fillies and Gentlecolts, my dear, sweet, beloved Anonymous couldn't possibly have committed the crimes you accuse him of! He's entirely dependent on my love to survive! I have to check in on him every morning to make sure he's still alive, a-"
  59. 59.
    >She drones on for what feels like hours about how she "cares" for you, and you can feel your anger grow as she goes on.
  60. 60.
    >"...and then we'll be buried in my family's plot, thank you."
  61. 61.
    >She comes back to the desk and sits down besides Spike.
  62. 62.
    >"O-oh, and Spike is also in-"
  63. 63.
    >"-In big trouble with the law, yes we know" the Mayor interjects; "George, please call the Plaintiff to the stand."
  64. 64.
    >"With pleasure," George cooed as he began spinning in place
  65. 65.
    >Like a ton of bricks being your fetish, the realization that this twirling retard will decide your fate hits you hard in all the wrong ways.
  66. 66.
    >"...The Prosecution calls Applejack to the stand, Your Honor."
  67. 67.
    >OrangeSerious made her way to the stand, shooting you and Spike a disappointed look as she moved across the room.
  68. 68.
    >You are confused; what could you have possibly larcened, larcenied...stoleded from AJ?
  69. 69.
    >The only thing she owned worth more than a handful of bits was her hat, which was firmly planted on her head.
  70. 70.
    >Everything else was too big or heavy to move by hand.
  71. 71.
    >"Now, Ms. Lejack, would you please state your name and occupation?"
  72. 72.
    >"Name's Applejack, and Ahm a farmer by trade."
  73. 73.
    >"MMMMMMMMMhmmmMM. Now, how do you know the Defen-SQAK"
  74. 74.
    >A lasso flies out from the witness stand and closes George's beak on his tongue
  75. 75.
    Thank fucking god.
  76. 76.
    >"Now look here Mr Law-Feathers," Aj drawled, "Ahm not here to waste time on what don't matter. Anonymous there stole a new type of carrot Ah was growing, and Ah have photo proof of it."
  77. 77.
    >She tosses a video tape to the Bailiff as she says this, and he places the tape into the nearby VCR player.
  78. 78.
    >The video shows what looks like a quiet night on the farm.
  79. 79.
    >"Skip ahead, it's near midnight when he stole it."
  80. 80.
    >Skipping ahead, the Bailiff finds the scene in question.
  81. 81.
    >On the projector screen, you see a bipedal figure lumber into the frame, grab some carrots, and walk away.
  82. 82.
    >"Anonymous!" Fluttershy and Spike exclaim in shock
  83. 83.
    >The courtroom erupts into a frenzy once more
  84. 84.
    >AJ starts menacingly twirling a lasso towards you, but she gets shut down by the Bailiff.
  85. 85.
    >You're stuck staring at the screen, and only one thought is coming to mind:
  86. 86.
    >These ponies are fucking retarded
  87. 87.
     
  88. 88.
    "You ponies are fucking retarded."
  89. 89.
    >"Anonymous, I will have no swearing in my courtroom."
  90. 90.
    No, fuck you, that is not me on that tape.
  91. 91.
    >George managed to free himself during th clamor
  92. 92.
    >"Do you mean to thay that thith video ith a forgery?"
  93. 93.
    No, AJ wouldn't stoop to doing that. But that is not me on that tape.
  94. 94.
    >"B-but Anon, i-it is you! P-plain as d-EEP!"
  95. 95.
    >You shoot a glare at Fluttershy, walk towards the screen, and jab at the figure on the screen
  96. 96.
    This is a fucking gorilla, you dumbasses.
  97. 97.
    >The courtroom goes silent for an uncomfortably long time, looking at you, then the gorilla
  98. 98.
    >Then at the gorilla, then at you
  99. 99.
    >"Huh. Well, Anonymous, Ah guess that was mah mistake. You two do look like twins though."
  100. 100.
    >You're about as pale as green milk on green snow, but you decide not to risk your victory by chimping out.
  101. 101.
    "Thank you. Does this mean Spike and I are free to go?"
  102. 102.
    >"You? Yes. Spike? No. We have to fill our quota this month. I hereby sentence him to 10 years, with a chance of parole after 115 months. This court is now adjourned."
  103. 103.
    >As the gavel bangs the case to a close, everypony comes up to congratulate you and shake your hand
  104. 104.
    >Spike makes a break for it while everyone is distracted, and gets about 5 feet away before being tased.
  105. 105.
    >"AAAAAAAAAAAAH"
  106. 106.
    Spike! Hey man, that's not co-
  107. 107.
    >Your path towards him is blocked by AJ, her hat in her hoof
  108. 108.
    >"Say Anon, hows about Ah make this up to you over dinner? Ah feel awful bad about all this, and Ah'd do *anything* to make it up to ya."
  109. 109.
    >She flutters her eyes in that awkward farmgirl fashion
  110. 110.
    >Eh. You'll send him a cake with a file in it once he gets committed.
  111. 111.
    >Today was a turnabout kind of day

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