GREEN 351 0
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The R.A.P.E. Team

By Greggums
Created: 2021-10-25 20:25:51
Expiry: Never

fluttershy lyra roseluck rainbow dash /flutterrape/berry punch timberwolves

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Originally Published March 26th, 2018
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For the original and much better series of greens that inspired this, check out The Boner Police by https://pastebin.com/u/_Leaf_
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___
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>Water splashes behind you as little fillies and colts play in the fountain
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Come on, come on....
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>You are Roseluck
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>You've been pacing back and forth for what feels like hours now
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They were supposed to be here two minutes ago!
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>The splashing behind you is setting you on edge
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>You weren't exactly waiting for something legal here, after all
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>"Um, excuse me..."
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>A soft voice pipes up next to you
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GYAHA!
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>You fall backwards into the fountain, and a filly hops off your stomach
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Oof! Ughh
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>"Oh no, are you okay?"
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>The voice belongs to a stallion with a slight build, a long pink mane, and a black mustache
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>And feet like a cat, because damned if you didn't notice him at all before then
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I'm...fine. Mind telling me why you're going around scaring ponies?
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>The stallions face makes an O of surprise
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>"Scaring ponies?! Oh my no, I was just trying to get your attention since you didn't see me when I waved."
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>You feel the tinge of pasta at the back of your throat
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>How long had he been there?
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>You push the thought and the pasta down
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>You can do this, Roseluck
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I, uhh, I heard you could put me in touch with
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>You drop your voice to a whisper
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the R.A.P.E. team.
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1/
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>The stallion narrows his eyes at you
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>"Maybe I can. What seems to be your problem?"
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>So far so good
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It's these timberwolves. They've been comimg into my garden and ripping up my hydrangeas!
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>He raises an eyebrow
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>"Isn't this a p-problem for your Mayor to handle?"
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I tried talking to Mayor Mare, but all she keeps telling me is "They're endangered creatures, we can't go around killing them." But I don't want to kill them, I just want them gone!
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>You grasp his shirt collar and yank him towards you
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>He opens his mouth to speak, but you shake him before the words come out
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DID YOU KNOW TIMBERWOLVES DON'T SHIT? IT'S JUST SAP! YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT IS TO CLEAN UP?
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>The stallion lets out a hearty laugh
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WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!
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>"D-don't worry, Roseluck."
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>He grabs his mustache and pulls gently on it
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>His features seem to soften as it loosens
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>And then, his yellow fur and pink mane suddenly make sense
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...Fluttershy?
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>"T-that's right. And The R.A.P.E. Team is at your service."
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2/
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>Be Fluttershy
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>You just made a customer!
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Yay!
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>Roseluck gave you directions to her home, and even paid in advance!
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Woohoo!
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>"Sir? Will that be cash or check?"
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>The sales clerk wags her hoof in your face
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O-oh. Cash please.
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>You drop some bits in her hoof and take your groceries
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>Flipping up your collar, you duck out of the store
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>The road is quiet as you walk down to the marina
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>The warehouses are all closing for the night
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>Except the one at the end, which has long been abandoned
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>Or at least, that's how it looks from the outside
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>Approaching the door, you do the secret knock
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>Knock-knock
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Eep!
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>You wait
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>From behind the door comes a response
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>"C'mon in Shy, I told you we don't need a secret knock."
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>-BZZZZ
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Oh...
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>You liked the secret knock
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>Picking up the groceries, you walk into the door
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Ow!
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>"Open it when I buzz, not after!"
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>-BZZZZ
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3/
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>The inside of the abandoned warehouse is sparsely furnished
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>Lyra is on the couch, practicing her harp
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>Rainbow is probably off in the garage, working on the van
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>Wallking into the small kitchen, you set the groceries on the counter
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>They're gonna be so excited!
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Girls?
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>Harpstrings and metal clanging
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Girls!?
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>More noises...
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>Sighing, you take out a bag of cheez-y-curls
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>-POP
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>"Hey Fluttershy! Whats with the groceries?"
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AH!
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>You fling the bag in the air, and Lyra catches it with her magic
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W-we got a job, Lyra! The r-R.A.P.E. Team is needed in town!
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>"Whoo!"
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And they paid in advance!
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>"WHOO!"
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>Curls fly across the room as Lyra flings the bag into the garage
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>"WHAT THE HELL, LYRA?!"
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>"Oh can it! We got work!
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>"AWW YE-THUNK"
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>The metal clang sounds throughout the warehouse
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>"FUCKING OW"
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4/
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>Cheez-y-curls and your friends gather at the table
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O-okay girls, our c-client is Roseluck. She
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>"Eww, pass." Rainbow crunches a curl
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>"I mean, I get we rape ponies, but"
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No!
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>Your hoof pomf's onto the table
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She has a timberwolf p-problem and wants them taken care of.
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>Lyra brightens up
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>"I've never raped a timberwolf before."
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W-what?
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>"Yeah, Lyra. Timberwolves have splinters and shit."
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>Oh dear, not this talk again
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I t-thought we decided we weren't raping anypony anymore...
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>Lyra and Rainbow look at you counfused
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>"Then why are we called "The R.A.P.E. Team"?"
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>Lyra nods "Yeah, I thought it stood for "Rape All Ponies Equally"
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A-actually, it's "Remove All Pests, Efficiently."
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>"I thought it was "Rape Anon, Preferably Everyday" Rainbow adds
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>"Not that we can even get near him nowadays..."
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>Anon...the love of your lives
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>Everypony goes quiet for a moment
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>"Well, anything's better than sitting around with this damn harp all day. What non-rape thing do we have to do, Shy?"
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>Lyra leans across the table towards you
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>"And I've been itching to test out the new mods on the van!"
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>Rainbow drapes a hoof around Lyra
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>Feelings of Anon get pushed away by the smile growing on your face
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W-we need a driver.
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5/
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>The air is cold outside the Ponyville Rehabilitation Center
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>And inside its walls is the best darned driver that Equestria has ever known:
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>Berry Punch
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>You and Lyra are currently crouched in the bushes, waiting for the center to open
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>Lyra passes you a thermos of coffee
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>You take a nice, warm sip and hand it back
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S-so, how do you plan to get Berry out?
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>Lyra was always good at greasing up ponies
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>"Just leave it to me."
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>She stretches and pops her joints
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>With a wink, she grabs your disguise bag and heads towards the office
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>From the bushes, you see her pull out a clipboard and pen
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>And then she sets the bag into the bushes
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N-no!
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>What is she doing?!
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>Where's the rest of her disguise!?
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>You watch in horror as Lyra steps inside
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>...And five minutes later, she is walking out with Berry Punch
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>She drops the bag into your hooves
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H-how did you do it?
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>"She tapped her clipboard and said 'I need to borrow Berry Punch for a few minutes.'" Berry articulately comments
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>"Basically, yeah. Now have some coffee, Berry." Lyra chatters while handing her a different thermos
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>Berry takes the thermos and and sips it
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>And grimaces
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>"...Hot Kahlua ish grossh, but I'll take it."
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6/
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>You swing by the warehouse to pick up Rainbow and the van
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>And with Berry severely inebriated to be able to drive properly, you race across town
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S-so girls, you remember the plan?
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>Rainbow raises her hoof "I cover myself in timberwolf pheromones to draw them out of the garden since I'm 20% faster than anyone here."
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R-right. Lyra?
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>Lyra nods "Me and you keep the van doors open so Rainbow can dive inside when we get to The Everfree."
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Very good! And you, Berry?
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>"SSSSHHUT UP AH'M TRYIN TA DRIVE HERE!"
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Great!
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>You put your hoof out
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We s-should be getting close to Roseluck's by now. Is e-everypony ready?
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>A minty green hoof touches yours
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>Then a light blue hoof
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>And then a mulberry hoof
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Let's g-g-wait.
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>The three ponies sitting in the back of the van stare back at you in anticipation
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>1...2...3...
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...B-berry?
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>"WAHT?"
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Who's d-driving the van?
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>You, Lyra, Rainbow, and Berry stare at the empty drivers seat
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>Then at Berry
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>"IT'SH GOOD. I SHHET THE CROOSHE CONTROL."
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7/?
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>Be Anon
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>Wake up
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>Do the Triple-S
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>Sit down at the table for a bowl of Appleslaps
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>"Appul"
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>Today is gonna be a good day
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>You had a date with Roseluck later
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>She seems really excited to show you how her hydrangeas have been doing
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>And no ponies have tried raping you all week!
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>Lifting the creal to your mouth, you hear a noise outside
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>knoCk-THUCK-CRASH
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>A black and red van crashes through your front door
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WHAT THE FUCK!
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>It hits your coffee table and sends its occupants crashing into your couch
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>Four ponies: One yellow, one blue, one green, and one mulberry
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>Oh god, it's them
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WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE!?
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>"R-relocating timberwolves?" Fluttershy sheepsihly responds
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>-POOF-
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>A green gas fills the room before you can reply
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>"Oh no, the timberwolf pheromones!" Lyra yells
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What?
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>You hear a howl in the distance
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>Then two, and then more
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>Your bowl of Appleslaps vibrates its way off the table
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>And then the Timberwolves pour in through the door
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THE FOLLOWING SECTION OF THE BROADCAST IS REMOVED DUE TO THE FOLLOWING: SEXUAL MISCONDUCT.
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>The timberwolves, finally satisfied, flood out of your house towards the woods
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>"A-another job well done!" Fluttershy cheers as she cimbs in the van
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>"YEAH!" The ponies have a sap-covered group hug
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>Then the van backs out of your house and drives off
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Whyyyyy.....
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>You pass out, hoping Roseluck will forgive you for missing your date
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8/?
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>In 2013, a crack pirate crew was sent to prison by a military court for impersonating Boner Police, >rape, and multiple moving violations. These mares promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Ponyville underground. Today, still wanted by the government they survive as soldiers of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find them....maybe you can hire The R.A.P.E.-Team."
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https://youtu.be/_MVonyVSQoM
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