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Originally Published October 27th, 2018
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>Wake up
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>Be Anon
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>Do the Tri-
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Heyhey! Knock first, asshole!
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Sorry!
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>You shut the door to the master bathroom and head downstairs to use the guest toilet
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>As you pass by the kitchen, a voice calls out to you
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Hey Anon, I'm making eggs. You want some?
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>You shrug
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Sure, thanks. I'll set up the coffee when I get off the john.
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Thanks! I don't know what you do to it, but something about your coffee is magical.
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You know me, it's just what I do.
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>You scratch your ass and head into the bathroom
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>From upstairs, you hear Anon stomp on the floor
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WHY DON'T I GET OFFERED ANY EGGS?!
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BECAUSE DR. STABLE SAID YOU'RE A FAT FUCK! YOU CAN EAT YOUR SWEET-A-BIX OR FUCK OFF!
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>You chuckle as you hear Anon and Anon argue in the other room
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Like an old married couple, those two.
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1/
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>Having done the Triple-S, you head back into the kitchen
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>Anon is reading the paper, grimacing as he gingerly places a spoonful of cereal on his tongue
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I don't get it! I shouldn't have to eat this damn goat food.
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>Anon brings the pan of eggs to the table and sets it on a potholder
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Hey man, maybe next time don't gorge on hayburgers the week before you have to see the doctor.
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I told you that was Twilight's fault! Not my fault she only ever eats at Burger Princess.
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>You heap grounds into the coffee filter and turn on the pot
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Dude, she's a pony. Just pick her up and walk away.
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>Anon jams his spoon into the bowl
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She's heavier than she looks!
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Wasn't that why you started dating her in the first place?
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Okay you lo-
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>A quick, soft knock comes from the door
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>You and Anon stare at each other, then at Anon
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Fine! I'll get it. And for your information, I like her for her BRAINS. Not just her sweet curves.
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>Anon walks backwards toward the door, miming a coke-bottle shape with his hands as he goes
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I don't know what she sees in him.
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Me neither.
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2/
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>Be Anon
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>Not that Anon
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>Before you hit the door, you spin around and grab the handle
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And for your information, Anon, Twi loves me for me.
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>You turn the handle and swing the door open
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>A small yellow pony stands on your porch, carrying saddlebags and smiling warmly
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>"G-good morning Anon."
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>Fluttershy beams at you in her usual, awkward puppy-dog way
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Hey there, Flutters. What's up?
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>"O-oh, I was just wondering...are walkies your fetish?"
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>She opens a flap on her saddlebag and pulls out leash, dropping it at your feet
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>The other end of the leash is attached to a collar on her neck
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Yeah no, I think you're looking for Anon. HEY ANON, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE AND DEAL WITH THIS.
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>Anon and Anon are both focused on their eggs, pretending not to hear you
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Hey, you want to go hang out with Anon and Anon later?
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HEY!
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>You feel a rubbing on your leg as Fluttershy nuzzles her snout into your shin
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>"I-i'm not hearing a no."
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>You back up and slam the door with a THUD and an "Eek!"
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Damn crazy mare.
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>Today's just gonna be one of those days.
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*ROLL CREDITS*
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[Making your way in the world today
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Takes everything you've got;
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'Cause you live with tiny horses
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Who find you kind of hot.
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And there's five more of you, too.]
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[(There is no ticket home!)
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And there's nothing you can do!
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That Fluttershy, she wants your goo!
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And everypony knows your name
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And his, and those guys too
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You're gonna find existence is a pain.]
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3/3
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums
by Greggums